By Beckie Morrison
Dear [name of intimidating hiring manager who holds your entire future in their hands],
I am writing to apply for the [role that 400 other students are also applying for] internship at [massive company who only seems to hire someone’s distant nephew]. I am currently a [field that you chose on a whim as a 17-year-old] major at Ryerson University and am looking to gain [thing that will finally make your parents proud of you] in the industry. I would love the opportunity to do so within this role.
This posting highlighted qualifications that reflect my skills in [area you briefly worked on once that your resume says you have 2+ years of experience in] and falls in line with my passion for [fun hobby you had that capitalism made you turn into a career]. This passion began when I was [age you were when you first developed an emotional crutch] and your company would be the perfect place to develop my professional career.
Both my [list of previous jobs worked to pay for extortionate Toronto rent] and [list of previous courses that resulted in nervous breakdown] have supplied me with [skill that you unlocked trying to finish four assignments at 3 a.m.]. I also possess an understanding of [foundational lecture that you accidentally online-shopped during] that I believe will allow me to [ability you should already have but definitely don’t].
I would appreciate the opportunity to [professionally beg and plead you/charm and manipulate you] for this role
My previous role at [name of company you cried multiple times working for] provided me with an opportunity to [generic buzzword] and gain first-hand experience in [thing you never did but need to have done in order to get this job]. In that position, I was also responsible for [completing annoying task nobody else wanted to do] and was able to work well both independently and within a team of [number of people it took to break you down and make you scream into your pillow].
In addition to my work experience, I also currently serve as [job you got just to put something on your resume] for the university’s [name of niche and oddly specific academic club]. My academic and campus involvement have allowed me to gain perspective on [industry-specific buzzword] and how to apply my knowledge in real-world situations.
With a foundational [area of knowledge that will definitely not help you in the real world] and an outstanding [skill that you won’t actually ever use on the job], I believe I would make a wonderful addition to your team and am the perfect candidate for this role. My resume is attached for your review and I would appreciate the opportunity to [professionally beg and plead you/charm and manipulate you] for this role and discuss my [list of the most searched competencies you copied and pasted from Google] in greater detail.
Should you need any additional information, please do not hesitate to contact me at [email address you had to create because xx_1DfAn2689_xx@hotmail.com wasn’t professional enough]. Thank you for your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.