By Zarmminaa Rehman
Coming down from the rollercoaster ride that was the 94th Academy Awards, many media outlets showcased the sheer extravagance of gift bags given to celebrities. But did you know Rye High is providing their own little bit of pizazz for the graduating class of 2022? The Eyeopener was given an exclusive behind the scenes look into the preparation of graduate gift bags–and the findings…were shocking.
Good things, small package
Starting off, the gift bag itself is a 13’’ x 6’’ x 16’’ neon yellow Dollarama gift bag, decorated with a blue glitter-glue logo reading “Class of 2022,” and foam alphabet stickers spelling each graduate’s name. Students are advised to bring a secondary bag as the handles are known to rip out when they are held.
Piece of paper
The biggest and most expensive item in each bag is, of course, your degree! This personalized item has been especially curated for each student during their time at the university. Due to supply chain issues with the rest of the goodies, unfortunately for some students this is the only item in their gift bags—but do not fret! Because after receiving the gift bags, there will be free saltine crackers and water laid out for all to enjoy. Did we mention they are free?
Moving on, the next item is a voucher courtesy of Ryerson president Mohamed Lachemi for five per cent off of any Kindle product (valid from April 24, 2022 to June 12, 2022). So if you’ve been holding off from buying a sick Kindle reader throughout university, now is your chance!
Sweet, sweet caffeine
The next item is a personal favourite of the entire graduation organizing committee: a 33-year-old iced coffee recipe that has been perfected and tested by the past 27 student presidents of Ryerson’s Model United Nations club (the other six were more tea fans). This meaningful keepsake will assure you always get that nostalgic taste of your darkest day: finals.
The university wanted to make sure that all the gift bags were “with the times” and enjoyable for students, which prompted the addition of a Dinosaur Egg Dig Kit, to keep you busy during your post-university blues. The kit includes: 12 eggs (for each month of the year) with hidden dinosaur figures, chisels to break down the eggs, 12 dinosaur learning cards (to help you prepare for trivia nights). It sells at a retail price of $30 on Amazon.
After adding the dino kit the bag still seemed a bit light, so the committee collected some rocks and shards of grass from around Kerr Hall Quad. Unlike the Oscars gift bag, Ryerson couldn’t provide any land claims for pieces of Scotland, but this might fit the bill—even if it’s literally just Canadian soil.
Patriotic product placement
On the theme of Canadian gifts, the university partnered with Tim Hortons to give students a fun-sized can of Double-Double Coffee-Scented Air Mist®. Now you can enjoy the rush of an early morning Tim’s run from the comfort of your bedroom with a few spritz of Air Mist®. Do not use it in combination with Febreeze or whilst consuming coffee as known side effects include: endless sobbing, caffeine rush and the impulse decision to apply for a master’s degree at Ryerson.
One last chance for office hours
The next item may not be for everyone, but it is for anyone. Faculty heads across the university teamed up and decided to include a “30-minute talk session” ticket for any remaining sentiments or lingering questions students may have about the knowledge they absorbed over the past several years. Keep in mind though: the ticket is only redeemable for the first 22 students that approach the faculty heads between 12 p.m. and 12:22 p.m. on convocation dates.
Like your curated degree, some gift bags have differing items in relation to the faculty a student belongs to. Engineering students will finally receive that iron ring they’ve been waiting for, which is now adjustable to fit every finger or toe size. While accounting students will be delighted to find a Casio FX-991EX Scientific calculator—a backup for when their old one breaks down.
The last item included in the gift bags is a super vintage Eggy the Ram stuffie. In reality, it might just be the university getting rid of all their merch. But it’s still a cute memorabilia from your time at Ryerson, before the university is renamed and Eggy loses all relevance. If one stuffie simply is not enough, check out the “Everything Eggy Must Go” sale at the Ryerson Campus Bookstore. Whether you shop in-person or online, shipping will be included.
All bags contain a variation of gifts. Organizers ask students to refrain from exchanging any of their goodies, especially not their degrees.