By Sarah Grishpul
Disclaimer: Unlike the Kamala Harris presidential “brat” campaign, this article is a work of fiction.
Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) president Mohamed Lachemi recently announced at orientation that the campus will undergo extended renovations as part of the school’s new “brat” campaign just before orientation begins.
“I am proud to announce that after completing the ‘How Brat Are You Actually’ BuzzFeed quiz, our institution is officially brat certified,” said Lachemi on TMU’s public X account.
The university hinted at this news in early August, changing their social media accounts to match the Charli xcx album cover brat and @yaboipresidentlachemi posting “tmu IS brat” on his personal X account.
Sources close to The Eyeopener reported the president was even seen at frosh wearing a bright green cropped tee, chunky boots with a two-inch heel and a pair of Balenciaga Wraparound Sunglasses. He spent the day partying with students, whispering “I’m so Julia” under his breath and filming TikTok videos of the “Apple” dance with local influencer Frankie the Falcon.
The concept of “brat” derives from singer-songwriter Charli xcx’s latest album that’s targeted at the girlies ready to party and embrace being unapologetically themselves.
According to Lachemi, brat is being doused by steam from the sewer gates on the way to class. brat is being 10 minutes behind but never being late to class. brat is using flex dollars to go drinking at The Met Campus Pub.
The proposed campus makeover will include dyeing the water in Lake Devo green, removing all capital letters from signage and changing all sports team names from TMU Bold to TMU brats.
Second-year RTA student and fervent Charli xcx stan Kathya Rabbinovich is excited to see the university take this new direction.
“I don’t have to feel embarrassed anymore that there’s sometimes pee on the sidewalk or the air smells like burnt plastic,” she said. “Instead I can say: ‘That’s so brat.’”
Since the announcement, the university has set up a GoFundMe to raise money for green paint and legal fees.
“Last year’s renovation project and binge-watching The Property Brothers has taught me that change ain’t cheap,” Lachemi said. “They charged us by letter and becoming ‘Toronto Metropolitan University’ ended up costing around six million dollars.”
The president has been putting his social media prowess to work to seek a public financial endorsement from Charli xcx. He is engaging in guerrilla marketing tactics like “sliding into her DMs” and picking fights on the official brat subreddit.
Charli xcx and her management team have yet to respond for comment.
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