How do you like your eggs in the morning? You approach the Mistress of Bacon and she presents you with a coupon. Hoping for only the best sausages you proceed to Denny’s. After being seated by an overly kind waiter named Bruno, you quickly realize why this place has a 3.9/5 on Google-friendly staff and […]

‘BELIEVE’ You approach the man in the blinding orange jacket and he hands you a pamphlet. You quickly scan it and see the scrawlings of a mad genius. Upon the paper, you find the alchemical solution for cold fusion, a transcription of the missing 18 ½ minutes of the Watergate tapes and a drawn-out map […]

Welcome to the building of possibilities. As you enter the TRSM, business students corner you with pitches. As you hear words like “Stats,” “Entrepreneurs” and “Pitch,” Chad, Chid, Chod, Chud, Ched, Chyd and Brad will not stop hounding you about the “endless possibilities of the untapped market”. You eventually die. That’s what happens when you […]

2 fast, 3 furious You press the button for floor two, followed by the close door button (you impatient little shit), preparing yourself for a quick trip up to the next floor and hoping that Lachemi’s office is there. Better to try one floor at a time right? You think to yourself: “This must be […]

It’s a bold move, let’s see if it pays off When the door opens you are greeted by the unholy sight of Egerton Ryerson T-posing. It isn’t the asshole himself back from the dead—it’s the statue of him from Gould Street. AND IT’S TALKING. AND OH FUCK, IT CAN MOVE TOO. Egerton blasts his arms […]

Greetings, traveler You arrive at Jorgensen Hall, exhausted from your travels but still in one piece. And you have managed to not lose the secret letter either. Hooray! As you walk through the building and into the elevator, you are presented with a tough decision: Go to floor 2 Go to floor 8 Go to […]

Lucky number 13. Wondering why you didn’t just check a map earlier, you take the elevator up to floor 13, where Ryerson president Mohamed Lachemi’s office is not hidden at all. It’s right there, just waiting to be found. In fact, there are even signs leading to it. You knock on the door. “Who is […]