Toronto Metropolitan University's Independent Student Newspaper Since 1967


Thank you, you turkeys

Well, Thanksgiving has passed for another year. Sitting in front of the carcass of a huge dead bird, surrounded by friends and family, I could not help but reflect on the many, many things Ryerson students have to be thankful for.

  • We are thankful for our library. Without it, most of us would not know how to go to our local public library and take out the book we need for research projects. We should be especially thankful for the lack of proper ventilation in the library and, indeed, all of Jorgenson Hall. Most schools don’t give students the benefits of crippling headaches as they study or read, but Ryerson always goes that extra mile. 
  • We are thankful for President Claude Lajeunesse, but even more thankful for the approval of $34,000 to renovate his apartment. We are especially thankful that he got his own ‘95 Nissan Maxima. The money would have been enough to hire more support staff to cut down on OSAP lines or work in Student Services, but we are thankful that Claude got a car. On that piddling six-figure salary, he certainly couldn’t afford one. 
  • Our very pores should ooze thanks to RyeSAC. I cannot even blow my nose without noticing that the KleenexTM has been Authorized and bears the logo of that damned rams’ head. Credit where credit is due — and credit for everything apparently goes to RyeSAC. And the rams’ head.
  • Big fat extra thanks to our new PC government for making us fiscally responsible. As rich folk swarm to seminars on tax evasion through overseas investment, the government is finally cracking down on those darned poor. Thanks to Mike Harris for stripping all essential services — affordable education, anyone? — to attract business.
  • Very particular thanks to John Snobelen, our high-school dropout Education Minister, for reducing the intellectual and moral training of our youth to an economic equation that could run a car wash.

Golly. That’s a lot of thanks. So much to be grateful for, and so much left unmentioned. Riot cops, the Feds, Paul Bernardo… I guess some of these thanks are going to have to wait until next year. Then again, the way things are going, at this time next year I’ll be thankful to be as lucky as the turkey.

Matthew Sheperd

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