Briefs & Groaners

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A roundup of some of the shadier — and just plain odd — things that happen around Ryerson’s downtown campus

An intoxicated noncommunity member was found on campus walking into parked cars and hanging around dumpsters. He eventually lay down peacefully and was escorted off campus by security who hopefully put him down for a nap.

Another intoxicated noncommunity member was found sleeping under a table in the Rye-O-Mat on March 3. An exacto knife was lying on the table. Security had almost escorted him out, when he lay down and started screaming. He was arrested and none of you care because you’re trying to figure out what the Rye-O-Mat is.

On March 4, security observed a non-community member at a computer in Jorgenson Hall. The man was viewing pornographic material while engaging in an indecent act. He was placed under arrest and then assaulted two security members, because masturbating in public wasn’t enough police charges for one day.

Continuing this week’s theme of drunken non-Ryerson students, two noncommunity members were found unable to walk and vomiting profusely on campus. They were taken to hospital, and advised never to share a bottle of ipecac ever again.

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