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What a vegan. ANNIE ARNONE | EYERSONIAN
What a vegan. ANNIE ARNONE | EYERSONIAN
Fun & Satire The Eyersonian

I’m sort of, kind of vegan

By Sarah Krichel

Following a special investigation, The Eyersonian has confirmed that a local Ryerson vegan is no longer actually 100 per cent vegan—adding to the influx of the sort-of-vegan populace on campus.

“Hi, I’m vegan,” Karah Sichel, a third-year journalism student first said when asked what pushed her over the edge. “I like cheese too much. It was also just too much effort to look at ingredients every time I wanted a bag of chips. I’m like, 68 per cent vegan as of right now, though.”

Sichel, rumoured to be part of the notorious “‘90s Crew,” said that while she had a good vegan run of eight months, it ended up being “just a lot.”

The “‘90s crew” is a taboo gang that aims to infiltrate vegan circles and has been rumoured to operate within Gould Street’s sewage system and campus kitchens. Past charges against members include slipping dairy products into vegan-labelled menu items. Some targeted vegans have even said they’ve found pork chops hanging out of their chopped kale power salads.

Sichel is now just another classic case in the rise of the not-technically-vegan-vegan movement—an ideology pertaining to the act of acting vegan, without actually being vegan. The movement is present in a Ryerson-only Facebook group called “Hi I’m Vegan.” According to the self-proclaimed activist group, their mandate was set to protect not-really-vegan- vegans’ rights to pretend to be woke, while simultaneously shaming vegetarians for not cutting out animal byproducts.

“After a while, saying ‘no dairy, though’ at Burrito Boyz whenever I got my classic sweet potato-veggie soy mix just became too much,” fourth-year gender studies student Berena Srizzi said. “But like, I’ll still say I’m vegan to my friends. It inspires them when I talk about how much animal cruelty goes into their pumpkin spiced lattes, and they don’t even know I probably used regular milk in mine too.”

For sort-of-not-really-vegan-vegans like Srizzi and Sichel, Hi I’m Vegan gives them a place to show off that at least they sort of tried, unlike you.

The group started with two members back in January, and now has six members, only nine months later.

“Hi, I’m vegan,” Ennie Ernona said to The Eyersonian in an interview. “After I went to Sushi Style one day and realized there was probably egg in the sweet potato tempura, I purposely didn’t bother to ask the waiter, so that I could proceed to order it everyday. That was the moment I realized a group like this was needed.”

Sichel said she hopes to eventually include shrimp in her still-but-not-really-vegan-vegan lifestyle.

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