By Landon Randfield

Disclaimer: While these are all things you could do, it doesn’t mean you should do them.

If you’re a new student at Toronto Metropolitan University, you will undoubtedly learn that the light at Gould and Yonge, just outside the Student Learning Centre, is like going from Rogers to Bell: it takes forever to change. We’ve created this list of things you can do to help stay productive or sane while you wait for that one measly light to switch.

1. Strike up a conversation with a stranger 

Shared suffering is a great conversation starter for meeting new people. Don’t be afraid to start chatting with other students about how long the light is taking.  

2. Order some food

You’re in the heart of Toronto with dozens of great food places nearby. Set up an Uber Eats order and get something to tide you over while you continue to wait.

3. Binge-watch a show or movie

Now is the perfect time to hop on Netflix, Disney+, Apple TV or heck, even Tubi, and finish that movie or series your friend won’t shut up about. Why not binge the newest season of Reacher because there is a new season of Reacher for some reason. 

4. Raise a flock of pigeons

Lots of pigeons can be found in this area and odds are good you’ll find a nest or two. Raise the babies as your own, and you’ll have your own flock that will make your life a bit less lonely while you wait.

5. Finish your degree

You’re right next to campus, so maybe just turn around and get back to work. By the time you graduate, there’s a real possibility the light just might have changed. A low possibility, but a possibility nonetheless. 

6. Create a religion 

This light has to be some form of cosmic retribution from some deity or other; why not make it legit? Start a religion praising the benevolence of this sacred crosswalk.

7. Get married

It’s possible one of those people you meet at this crosswalk is your special someone. Get a place somewhere in the city, settle down, maybe have a few kids and teach them to walk so, when the day finally comes where the light changes, they’ll be ready. 

8. Start digging for the lost treasure of Egerton Ryerson

Just make it clear you don’t support anything he ever stood for, grab your shovel and start digging! Who knows what you’ll find. Gold? A treasure chest of jewels? Official documentation of misdeeds related to the forming of the residential school
system? That’s the adventure!

9. Become mayor 

I hear there’s an election coming up and God knows that current mayor of ours has let these traffic light-related issues go on long enough. If you’re really committed, run for city council, eventually run for mayor and change the timing of the light  yourself.

10. Watch the collapse of the city and heat death of the universe

Witness businesses, restaurants, and city officials come and go. See your colleagues graduate and go on with their lives. Watch as the street is buried under new infrastructure, as everyone you have ever known crumbles to dust. Watch as the devil turns the blue sky black and as the moon begins to collide with Earth, that orange hand shall illuminate your last thoughts as you plunge into the depths of death’s sweet embrace.