By Glinda Upland

Disclaimer: This story is completely fictitious. Only a corrupt and counterintuitive system of power would result in the removal of protective lanes for a specific type of transportation that was implemented to protect users of that specific type
of transportation. 

The provincial government, alongside the Ministry of Magic, have begun the removal of broomstick lanes on Toronto streets, but witches, warlocks and wizards have been putting up a fight.

Starting at the intersection of Bloor Street and Diagon Alley, crews began taking out the lanes on Oct. 26. The province said it’s removing them to help deal with which traffic is which, and which traffic is witch.

The province also plans to remove broom lanes along Yonge Street, University Avenue, Sanderson Street, Elphaba Lane, Ursula Road, Blair Boulevard and Jadis Street.

Ontario Premier Doug Ford said he believes this removal will benefit all Torontonians.

“With these broomstick lanes, the city is in gridlock,” said Ford. 

“Once we set things right, these witches are just going to have to ride their brooms on the road on the way to weave their baskets and brew their potions.”

Since the original implementation of broomstick lanes, individual collision rates for broom riders have dropped by 38 per cent to 56 per cent in some stretches in the city. 

This has resulted in a boom in the city’s economy through the increased purchase of dead animal parts, hemlock, toad secretions and moon water—which sells for $159 at Farm Boy. 

As the removals get underway, many broom riders are speaking out against the decision.

Second-year potion engineering student and avid broom rider Hermoine Granger said she believes these removals are a danger to all who wield wands. 

“These lanes helped us figure out which was for which witch but now we won’t be able to see which is witch, which makes it harder for us witches who wished for less witches to end up in ditches and require stitches which itches,” said Granger.

Potion brewer and broom wielder Gandalf the White said the lane removals will cause chaos and trouble for all witches, warlocks and wizards who intend to continue their use of magic.

“How am I supposed to get to Sweat and Tonic now? There’s no other place that sells better human sweat and tonics to add to my potion,” said Gandalf.  

Mayor Olivia Chow has criticized the Ontario government’s decision to remove the lanes stating that, “bitches who mess with witches end up in ditches.”