Toronto Metropolitan University's Independent Student Newspaper Since 1967

Posted by Sarah Grishpul on March 31, 2026 0 Comments
All Fun & Satire Special Issues The Daily Dilly Dally

The Daily Dilly Dally

March 31, 2026

Read all the stories from the issue:

Pierre Poilievre looking up from the bottom of a water well.

Poilievre falls into well, party doesn’t notice for 10 days
BY AYE ONE

Olivia Chow positioned to be speaking to a mouse with a crown on its back inside the sewer.

Toronto Mayor to reach landmark agreement with King of the Rats
BY PIP SQUEAK

Graphic of Mark Carney with hearts over his eyes in front of the Chinese flag and an upward arrow.

Mark Carney is Chinamaxxing
BY CENTRE RIGHT

A composition of the devil, Donald Trump and Voldemort inside the White House. Donald Trump is holding up a document.

Devil, Lord Voldemort to join Trump’s Board of Peace
BY EVE AISLE

(VIA: HBO MAX/WARNER BROS)

Show you like actually blows
BY ROBERT REGERT

Trump arrests your dad, liberates living room recliner
BY ANDY MERICA

Two hands shake in front of an illustration of Canada and Antarctica.

Fear not: Trade deal with Antarctica to save industry from American threat
BY D.L.

A woman holds a clipboard and studies a cork board full of images of eggplants, ties and a briefcase.

I need to grow a penis to be a business journalist
BY A…WOMAN?

An image of a bald headed man with a shadow cast over him and arms outstretched, with various logos in the background.

Amazon to acquire Walmart, you
BY THE BIG LEBOWSKI

Graphic of a red arrow in the centre around grey balloons and one red balloon on the top left.

Balloon prices inflate, rise to new heights
BY LAYLA TEX

Cockroaches priced out of Toronto housing market
BY ANA LISS

Can he do no wrong?: “Mark Carney spat on my baby and I was still charmed”
BY REALLY COLD 

World Cup allegedly a “big deal,” claims alleged ‘expert’
BY BEATRICE BALL’OCKEY

An image of an old man wagging his finger in front of an image of a protest.

Why protests were good when I did them and bad when you do them
BY A. BOOMER

An image of an extravagant apartment complex.

This $8.6 million condo will make you throw up in your mouth
BY HAU SINGH

Three people set up for a jump ball with a basketball, a hockey stick and a broom while wearing a bike helmet and a baseball helmet.

Wizzle’s slonk the Slackers nill bill
BY SPORTS BALL

(Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate / Also isn’t it crazy that Lionsgate isn’t the one with the roaring lion? Weird)

Why don’t women in movies ever get yeast infections?
BY LAUREN WINDSOR-KINKAID

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Can he do no wrong?: “Mark Carney spat on my baby and I was still charmed”

Pierre Poilievre looking up from the bottom of a water well.

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Poilievre falls into well, party doesn’t notice for 10 days

All

Why don’t women in movies ever get yeast infections?

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