Rye teaching staff to be paid $50 every time they say ‘innovation’

Ryerson University is stepping up its self-promotion game this school year by giving teaching staff an extra $50 for every time they say the word “innovation” in the classroom.

“This initiative will bring the community together to further shove down people’s throats how great and innovative this university is,” said Ryerson President Mohamed Lachemi. “Innovation is great. I love the word. Innovation, innovation, innovation.”

The idea came together after a secret meeting in the basement of Kerr Hall over the summer. Key members of the university came together to discuss new methods of promoting “how great Ryerson is” according to Ryerson’s communications director Michael Forbes.

Forbes declined to comment if the university officials also played Dungeons and Dragons during the meeting, and whether or not Ryerson president Mohamed Lachemi’s level 20 wizard knew “Wind Wall.”

Even though the school year just started, some professors are already expressing how much they like the initiative.

“I love it so much,” said skateboarding professor Caroline Cooper. “I’ve just paid off the mortgage on my house and cottage!”

Cooper added that she says “innovation” at least 1,000 times a class. “At this point I may even get the word tattooed on my bicep.” Innovation tattoos help secure tenure, according to Cooper.

While profs may be loving the word, some students are not a fan.

“My prof said ‘innovation’ at the end of every sentence. I just want to go home. I’m scared,” said a Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU) board member through tears.

When The Eyeopener sent a list of questions to Forbes asking how much money the initiative is projected to cost the university, all of the weekly scheduled meetings with Lachemi for the school year got cancelled.

“The Eyeopener news team will no longer be meeting with Dr. Lachemi this year,” said Forbes via email.

It is currently unclear if teaching staff have a limit for how many times they can say the word “innovation.”

“Does this mean tuition is going to rise? Do I have to run for RSU president AGAIN?” read a Facebook message from Rajean Hoilett.

“Honestly, tuition should totally rise. If Ryerson keeps going on and on about how great they are, then doesn’t that mean if tuition increases so does the quality of our education? I mean, like, isn’t this a free speech issue or something?” read a Facebook post from an anonymous user named only named “Marshal.”