This could be bad. You hand over the letter and Lachemi tears into it with his teeth. He reads aloud: “Dear Mr. Lachemi, this message will not be easy to hear, so I shall be succinct. I am writing to inform you that your tenure as Ryerson’s president is nearing its end. I have found […]

You’ve made it this far. Aren’t the slightest bit curious? Who cares what is inside the letter, you’re rich baby! Before handing it over to Lachemi, you get him to e-transfer you the money. The transaction is approved. Before he can open it or say anything, you get up and get the heck out of […]

That smelly smell that smells You decide that walking down Gould Street towards the construction is the best course of action. Maybe Lachemi is there, lambasting the construction workers and project manager for not finishing his precious urban campus on time. Those assholes at The Eyeopener just won’t get off his case about it. What’s […]

Shortcuts always do the trick. You see your evil ex in the distance across the road from you, so you decide to cut across the street while you still can. As you hop on the street, you hear what a gnarly kickflip behind you. “Watch out!” A skater boy calls out to you as he […]

WHOM??????? You begin walking down the sidewalk towards the Student Campus Centre (SCC). Wait a piping-hot-pizza-bagel second. Is that fucking RAM GANESH himself out in broad daylight!? You’re a naturally curious individual, so you approach him. What do you ask him first? Ask him about the missing student money Ask him if he knows where […]

Does anyone else hear the DragonBallZ intro music playing? Former Ryerson Students’ Union president Ram Ganesh disappeared off the face of the Earth after the alleged credit card scandal last year. You test the waters and ask him, “Ram, where IS the money from last year?”  He cackles. The ground begins to tremble and the […]

Why did he just get paler? You ask Ganesh if he knows where Lachemi is. It makes sense that he would know, considering he needs to hide from the man at all times. “You should check Kerr Hall,” says Ganesh. You thank him and get on your way. That was quick and transactional. Nice. And […]

One of the worst buildings on campus God this building just sucks. Before you stands the man, myth and legend Eggy the mascot. Elsewhere you see the spiralling halls of the building. Which one do you choose? Talk to Eggy Wander Kerr Hall

How can a building that’s a square be so complicated? If Lachemi was hiding somewhere it’d be in Ryerson’s equivalent of a sneaky maze hell: Kerr Hall. You look around with a strong sense of direction. Maybe he’s perched on the shiny basketball court in the Kerr Hall gym. Or doing lab experiments in Kerr […]

He looks so cute all the time, doesn’t he? The warm, felt eyes of the 9 feet tall campus mascot stare into every inch of your mortal presence. He makes a thumbs-up, the only symbol he ever makes. Suddenly the rest of the room grows warmer, as Eggy’s stitched fabric flesh melts away to show […]

What this building’s full name again? Lachemi will surely be at the SLC, you think to yourself—after all, he is hip with the kids. As you walk up the stairs of the SLC, you get a huge headrush from inhaling the secondhand smoke of 59 darts. You enter the SLC through the regular door along […]

Why does it smell like sweat all over? The sixth floor overwhelms you as you step off the elevator. In the back corner, an entire game of tackle football is happening, students are watching Netflix with no headphones on and somebody is doing a photoshoot by the window. You look for the gentle giant that […]