Women’s toilet is the worst … period

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By Stacey Stein

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Ahh … no truer words have ever been uttered.

If you ever read this space, you may remember a recent column in which a male Eyeopener staffer deplored the sorry state of men’s washrooms. It almost made me feel sorry for all the crap (no pun intended) you guys put up with in search of a piss-free place to — ahem — “pinch a loaf.” But, guys, if you think a woman’s washroom is a paradigm of decorum and cleanliness, boy, are you ever wrong.

It never ceases to amaze me how neanderthalic women allow themselves to become in public washrooms. On the outside, we may appear more hygenic and aesthetically conscious than the average male (which isn’t saying much), but step into a women’s public washroom and all stereotypes are broken down.

One of my biggest pet peeves of all time is pee on the toilet seats. Not only do I fail to comprehend the phenomenon (it’s hard to miss when, unlike guys, you don’t have to point and shoot), but it’s just plain disgusting. This was the main source of annoyance in the previous column. If only my grievances stopped here.

The period and all its attendant nastiness is a million times worse. When I enter a stall, the last thing I need to see is a soiled maxi pad or tampon floating wantonly in the toilet. Ladies, those little garbage bins on the inside walls are there for a reason. Please use them.

Then there’s the recurring maxi pad on the wall stunt. This is even worse when the thing’s been used. Call me humourless, but I just don’t get the joke. Or maybe this is some new form of abstract expressionism that I simply haven’t caught on to yet. Whatever. It’s still gross.

But enough with periods and onto more enlightening topics, like … “loafs.”

Walking into a stall to discover a little “present” has been left behind for you by the previous occupant is also disgusting, but on an entirely different level. Perhaps not everyone’s potty training included that most vital lesson: “How to flush after making poo-poo.” Even so, this is not an acceptable excuse. Would you want to enter a stall only to be greeted by the indigestible portions of someone else’s last meal? I didn’t think so.

These examples of female recklessness in the public washroom are not only disturbing, they’re most un-sisterly. Girls, if you think you’re somehow fighting the system of male oppression by resorting to primitive washroom behaviour, you’ve got it all wrong. The public washroom is the one place where we should embrace our femininity.

Go stick those soiled maxi pads on your ex-boyfriend’s shiny new Volvo.

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