Ask the Lesbian (Jan. 30)

January 30, 2002

Hello readers! Finally a real question! Sort of. Keep them coming (no pun intended) to askthelesbian@hotmail.com. I’m waiting.

Dear Lesbian,

I’m in love with a girl. It’s official. I’m a lesbian. Now what?

Congratulations! There are a few key steps to obtaining your honorary membership card.

First off decide which card you would like to obtain. It’s easiest to start off basic and work your way up. Once you’ve progressed, you can upgrade.

Basic Card (Baby Dyke)

Come out to a friend
Visit the Gay Village
Meet another lesbian
Think about cutting your hair
File your nails
Buy a pride flag
Kiss the girl

Gold Card (Lesbian)

Come out to your parents
Make the Gay Village your hang out
Befriend a group of lesbians
Cut your hair
Cut your nails
Get a pride tattoo
Make love with the girl

Platinum Card (Raging Dyke)

Come out on national TV
Live and work in the Gay Village
Recruit new lesbians
Shave your head
Paint a rainbow on your house cat and pick-up truck
Sleep with all of the girl’s friends

Disclaimer

This card is your Lesbian identification card throughout your duration as an official lesbian. Presentation of this card grants you access to resources and services not available to heterosexuals. Do not share the card or the information on it. Card not transferable.

Cheers,

Lesbian