Ask the Lesbian (Jan. 30)

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Hello readers! Finally a real question! Sort of. Keep them coming (no pun intended) to I’m waiting.

Dear Lesbian,

I’m in love with a girl. It’s official. I’m a lesbian. Now what?


Congratulations! There are a few key steps to obtaining your honorary membership card.

First off decide which card you would like to obtain. It’s easiest to start off basic and work your way up. Once you’ve progressed, you can upgrade.

Basic Card (Baby Dyke)

  • Come out to a friend
  • Visit the Gay Village
  • Meet another lesbian
  • Think about cutting your hair
  • File your nails
  • Buy a pride flag
  • Kiss the girl

Gold Card (Lesbian)

  • Come out to your parents
  • Make the Gay Village your hang out
  • Befriend a group of lesbians
  • Cut your hair
  • Cut your nails
  • Get a pride tattoo
  • Make love with the girl

Platinum Card (Raging Dyke)

  • Come out on national TV
  • Live and work in the Gay Village
  • Recruit new lesbians
  • Shave your head
  • Paint a rainbow on your house cat and pick-up truck
  • Sleep with all of the girl’s friends


This card is your Lesbian identification card throughout your duration as an official lesbian. Presentation of this card grants you access to resources and services not available to heterosexuals. Do not share the card or the information on it. Card not transferable.



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