Tits and Boners

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A roundup of some of the shadier — and just plain odd — things that happen around Ryerson’s downtown campus.

There have been 16 thefts reported at Ryerson in the past week. The number is high enough that Ryerson security has launched an investigation into whether or not the thefts can be traced back to one particular person. Most of the targets have been wallets, laptops and cell phones. However, someone also reported the theft of a breadboard. This isn’t the wooden slab that you use to chop vegetables, no, it’s apparently a base for a type of an electronic circuit.

On Thursday, Feb. 3 at 9:30 p.m., a drunk man was removed from the Ram in the Rye for harassing female patrons. The all-female news team says that kind of behaviour won’t get you anywhere.

The same night, security was called to a room in the Ted Rogers school for a man who was disruptive and refused to leave. He was drunk and holding an almost-empty mickey of vodka. We hope it wasn’t a plastic mickey of Smirnoff, because that’s just sad.

At around 10:30 p.m. on Feb. 4, security received a report of sparks emanating from inside the heating unit of the sauna in the RAC men’s changeroom. The sauna was then shut down.

On Feb. 6 at 1:15 a.m., security was called because a 18-year old man had jumped into the back of a campus planning truck and yelled, “Get this taxi moving!” He refused to get out when asked by security and threatened to beat the driver up. Pound Taxi’s rates are actually pretty reasonable, and they don’t ask questions.

At 10:50 p.m., security was called to the quad for a man who was yelling to himself and spinning in circles. He told them that he’d heard if he spun fast enough, he could go back in time to avoid the year 2012. No one should be exposed to John Cusack and the terrible special effects in that movie.

At 11:45 p.m., a man was caught urinating outside the Library building. When security asked him for ID, he pulled out a large wad of cash and offered them each a five-dollar bill. They declined. Based on our sad pay cheques, we would gladly accept that bribe.

On Monday at 12:50 a.m., a student was spotted carrying a huge rock into Pitman Hall. It turned out he was doing heat resistance testing on it for a school project. Where the fuck do you find a massive rock in downtown Toronto?

Also, the women’s bathroom in the second floor of the SCC smells more foul than ever, and now one of the toilets is covered with a garbage bag, for obvious reasons. Please, Toby, clean up this shit. We’ve been good this year, and this could be a graceful parting gesture.

— Emma Prestwich

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