By Dylan Marks

Disclaimer: Much like the idea of a trip on the TTC with zero delays, this story is impossibly untrue.

Following the decision by the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) Board in partnership with Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) to rename Line 1s Dundas Station to TMU Station, it has been announced that the name is changing back to ‘Dundas’ due to a lack of public interest. 

The reversal was announced in an official statement from TMU president and vice-chancellor Lohamed Machemi who noted he is totally “not bitter” that nobody cared. 

“I don’t even care that we’re changing it back, I mean, we might as well change the name of the school back to Ryerson, who cares about anything anymore?” said Machemi. 

The original vote by the TTC to change the name was unanimous which led many to believe that nobody was paying attention during the initial voting process. 

New TTC chair Jamaal Myers said he tends to zone in and out of votes depending on who is presenting and what they are proposing. 

“When I saw Machemi walk in the room with a large bristol board that had Dundas crossed out and TMU written over it with a magic marker, I made the executive decision to zone out and just vibe,” said Myers. 

“Much like my favourite Minecraft creature I was aghast”

Though the vote ended up being unanimous, Myers said he only realized what had been decided after checking his email while on the toilet the following morning.

“I was catching up on the latest internet memes when the notification came up in my inbox that we were switching the name. Much like my favourite Minecraft creature I was aghast,” said Myers. 

The decision to revert the name to Dundas Station was made after public reception of the situation was non-existent. 

“I kept going up to students on the street and asking them if they had heard the good news but everyone just thought I meant Offset was coming back,” said Machemi.

The Eyeopener took to the streets to talk to students about the decision though few seemed to care or even knew it had happened.

Third-year interior design student Jordana Elsner said she was completely unaware that this change was even a thing and couldn’t care less about what goes on at the school. 

“They could change the name of the school to ‘University of Toronto But Worse’ and I wouldn’t give two shits as long as I’m free to keep getting high in professors’ unlocked offices,” said Elsner. 

Fourth-year industrial engineering student Maxwell Griffith said he’s more concerned about the financial implications of the change. 

“I just want to know where the money they intended to spend on the project is going to now? Will it go to a good cause or can I just have it?” said Griffith.  

An investigation task force has been created with the primary goal of identifying where the $1.6 million TMU intended to spend on the change could have been better allocated.

The Department of Unnecessary Naming Decisions and Signage Spending (DUNDASS) declared that the entirety of the budget formerly assigned to the renaming project will now be deposited via e-transfer to lohamed.machemi@torontomu.ca. 

“That $1.6 million is just over three years’ salary for me, and honestly I need it after getting ignored so publicly like that,” said Machemi. “But honestly, like I said, I don’t care what people think about me.”