BY ANA LISS | HOUSING ANALYST
A new report from the City of Toronto suggests yet another demographic is being pushed out of the city’s rental market by soaring prices: cockroaches.
Rowley R. Roach, a Leslieville-based cockroach, says the main problem he and other roaches alike are dealing with is the lack of food and resources to “roach off of” once the humans inhabiting their apartments leave due to the rising cost of living.
“These places are getting so damn expensive that these humans aren’t around anymore to leave us their crumbs, cheese, grease and glue which is what us roaches eat,” said Roach.
With this troubling dilemma, Roach says he and his family of 92 plan on moving somewhere that better fits with their roachly needs.
“If we don’t find someplace soon we’re gonna be out on our thoraxxes, forced to slurp on skin like those disgusting leeches or suck on blood like those damn mosquitoes,” Roach said. “We’ll probably meet up with a big colony of roaches, I heard there’s a huge settlement all around the Toronto Metropolitan University campus.”
Leave a Reply