Ask the lesbian (Jan. 9)

In Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 1 minute

Welcome home faithful readers,

With the holiday’s abrupt halt and the realization that an elective’s mandatory reading list will cost almost as much as your tuition, it is time to cut back on spending and boost up that sorry excuse for a GPA. What better way than through the annual New Year’s Resolutions. Since I’ll probably cut back on drinking, and GPA is really just an abbreviation for Generic Producers of Averageness, here are some resolutions that will at least cut back on drama and boost my happiness.

  1. Attend at least one RYEPRIDE event. It’s time I stopped avoiding the inevitable Ryerson lesbian Web. I probably already know most of the people at the events anyway.
  1. Take a picture of my girlfriend by the third date or, the third day of being together, whichever comes first. There are way too many girls who have slipped away without so much as a fingerprint left for indentification.
  1. Purchase more Sex Toys. You’re only young once. Use the flexibility while you still can.
  1. Answer more e-mails. For some strange reason people actually read this column and some of them even think it’s good. I appreciate them and should show it more often.
  1. This summer I will not position myself in the centre of any dramatic scenarios during the week of PRIDE celebrations. Just once I’d like a carefree lesbian get-together.
  1. Stop dating ex-girlfriends. This should help with number four.
  1. Think more with my head and less with my…
  1. Keep at least two New Year’s Resolutions.

Good luck this term,

Lesbian

Leave a Comment