K is for keggers

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The kegger: it’s the undisputed king of parties. There’s nothing quite like drinking ditch beer while being held upside down by your ankles, and dammit, this is the time to do it. It may not be pretty, but a kegger is the perfect storm of fun, bad decisions and good stories.

The key to a kegger is to get your money’s worth. On any other night, pre-drinking is the name of the game, but with a kegger, it’s all you can drink. Get in early, pay your ten bucks and drink like it’s going out of style. Sure, you might wake up in Hamilton with a leotard on, but you got your money’s worth and that’s what’s important.

Before you can experience a kegger, you have to get invited to one. If you’re a straight-laced quiet type, make friends with some of the party animals in your class or on your rez floor. That way, when a huge kegger goes down, you’ll be sure to be in the know.

The other option is to host your own. There are upsides and downsides to this. The good part is that you might end up making money off of the entrance fee, depending on how many kegs you buy and how many people show up.

The downside is that you might be dealing with people puking in your bathtub and passing out on your porch. Make sure you police your kegger accordingly so that enough crazy stuff happens, but the cops don’t get involved. There’s nothing worse than a kegger getting shut down at 11 p.m. because some lightweight gets alcohol poisoning and falls off a second-storey balcony.

Have fun, get drunk and don’t be the one to ruin the party. The photos will be on facebook tomorrow, after all.

Kegger Commandments:

-Thou shalt pay your entrance fee.

-Thou shalt play beer pong, flip cup and ride the bus.

-Thou shalt not cut in line for the tap.

-Thou shalt order enough kegs to support the crowd until 2 a.m.

-Thou shalt not puke.

-Thou shalt not complain of excessive foam or the quality of the beer.

-Thou shalt always use red cups.

-Thou shalt not use pictures for blackmail.

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