By Victoria Stunt
1) In class on the first day
This is not a good way to impress your professors or new classmates. Whether you stumble in late or slur answers to questions, you don’t want to be remembered as “that kid who showed up drunk.” You’ll give the impression you don’t care about the class and will have to suck up to the professor for the rest of the term. You’ll probably end up with a terrible mark, too.
2) In front of the Security and Emergency Services Office
This is an obvious one, people. Security guards are always walking in and out of 111 Bond St. and you don’t want to get caught stumbling or passed out. They’ll approach you and make you feel like a stupid, stupid person. The cops might get involved if you’re extra booze-baptized.
3) On the rocks at Lake Devo
When you’re intoxicated it may seem like a good idea to climb on top of the rocks at Lake Devo. You can drunkenly people watch from up high. What fun! But when you decide to come down from the rock you may tumble and hurt yourself and regret your rock climbing decision.
4) At your academic advisor’s office
Dealing with RAMSS and worrying about getting into classes is stressful and could cause you to drink excessively. Sober up before heading to a meeting with your advisor, because he or she probably won’t care too much about helping out a sloshed student. They’re probably meeting with a dozen or so sober, studious students who they’ll pity way more than they’ll ever pity you for the rest of your university career.
5) Yonge and Dundas Square
This intersection is busy and when you’re drunk you may think you can dart across the street, dodging cars like “Neo” from The Matrix. You probably can’t. Just stay away from the intersection to avoid getting hit by a car or streetcar or bus. Not to mention being embarrassed in front of hundreds of people.
6) POD/Library/Jorgenson Hall
It’s easy enough to get lost in this building sober, so don’t go here drunk. You’ll wind up in Jorgenson Hall when you want the POD building and the Library building when you want Jorgenson Hall. You’ll keep walking North to South, South to North and be drunkenly lost forever. Forever trapped in a liquored-labyrinth.
7) On social media
Trying to network over social media? That engineer who you want to be your mentor won’t appreciate the photo you drunkenly tweeted last night of you and your friends urinating on a downtown building. Your mom probably won’t appreciate it either.