Illustration: Devin Jones

Trudeau and Obama hold vigil at Ryerson

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By Emerald Bensadoun

Following a heartbreaking speech by Hillary Clinton after her defeat, an emotionally distressed, teary-eyed Justin Trudeau let out a sob as he invited the crowd to join him in a candle light vigil to mourn the loss of his epic bromance with the President of the United States.

The vigil was held at the Student Learning Centre at Ryerson University on Dec. 14, chosen for its lapis blue triangles that patterned the building, which, according to Trudeau, gave him “the warm and fuzzies.”

President Barack Obama, who attended the vigil as well, candle in hand with a heavy heart and a low whimper joined him on stage. The two hugged it out and proceeded to perform some kind of secret handshake involving finger points and jazz hands.

“Bruh,” began President Barack Obama. He took a couple of deep breaths. “We knew this time would come eventually. Nobody gets to be President forever, but we can always stay friends. I’m not saying that you and some other President will ever have what we have now, but I promise you, you will love again. I know Trump is a bit of an asshole, but for me, please, try and give him a chance.”

“I will never make him a friendship bracelet. Not even if there’s a fire,” said Trudeau, trying to regain composure after bursting into tears. “Ruling Canada won’t be the same without you. What am I going to tell the kids?”

A hopeful 20-something year old wearing a Ryerson University sweater yelled sympathetically from the crowd: “We’ll understand!”

“Oh, shut up,” said Trudeau, who continued to bawl on stage.

Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau, nowhere to be found during her husband’s speech was seen rolling her eyes, muttering the words “three-way” and “should’ve been a stranger” while double-fisting champagne in the corner.

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