Dear Zac: advice on love and commuting

In Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: < 1 minute

Dear Zac,

I’ve recently been trying to find love after my long-time girlfriend left me. None of the dating websites I’ve tried have been appealing to me, and the few dates I’ve gone on haven’t gone anywhere. Last semester I failed my elective, and at the time my ex said to me that, “I should be used to disappointment by now.”

When she left, I asked why, and she said that I’m not going anywhere with my life. Am I the problem? Should I try to get her back?


A Romeo Looking For His Juliet

Dear Romeo,

Take a scrap piece of cardboard, and acquire a Sharpie. In thick lettering, write on the piece of cardboard, “MY LIFE”. Cardboard in hand, head to your ex’s place, and knock on the door.

As she stands there, puzzled, you swiftly and confidently display your piece of cardboard and you announce to the Gods that you are going to the movies, therefore going somewhere with your life! Your ex will swoon at your chivalry, and collapse in your arms, and you two enjoy the movies. No more need for Tinder – swipe yourself right into your ex’s arms!

(Of course, if all else fails, have you tried Grindr?)


Dear Zac,

How do I get the least amount of interaction with people when commuting? (I hate when people sit beside me or try to make conversation).


Irritated Commuter


Dear Irritated,

 Drop out of school and stop commuting.


Got a burning question you desperately need answered? Don’t know whether to scarf down McDonald’s or Fran’s for lunch? Need dating advice? Send your questions to Zac at by each Friday morning at 11 a.m. You’ll clearly get some great advice.

Leave a Comment