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Fun & Satire

RAC installs sick new air fresheners because people can’t even

By Melissa Salamo

Staff at the RAC, one of Ryerson’s gyms, are implementing new odour-combating technology following students’ complaints that “it smelled like something died in there.”

Ever since second semester started, students have been complaining about the “moist” smell at the gym. Some believe it is because they have not been cleaning as well as last semester.

“I just think this is too much,” second-year student Paul McArthur said. “They need to do a better job at cleaning this place. I don’t know man, get some Lysol, Tilex, something.”

The staff noticed that people started taking deep breaths and putting on medical face masks before entering the gym.

“At first we thought the whole mask thing was a trend,” RAC staff member Nataly Fresky said. “But then we put two and two together and hypothesized that it might be the smell of the gym.”

According to Fresky, the last time she remembers that the gym was cleaned was over a month ago.

“I feel so out of shape. I’ve been trying to go so that my summer body is ready, but I really have no motivation knowing that I will be breathing in old sweat,” said McArthur.

Other students are taking matters into their own hands.

“I think I’m going to be starting a new gym for students right next to the RAC,” second-year student Nathaniel Grayhound said. “And if they get angry with the competition all they gotta do is ‘cash me outside, how bow dah.’”

This is why the RAC staff is going to be implementing new technology all over the gym. The new “food scent” sprays will be located at each corner of the gym, and will mask the odour.

“We believe that implementing these food scent sprays will not only cover the old sweat smell, but also motivate students to complete their workouts,”said Fresky. “I mean, when I work out, food is my ultimate motivation!”

The Eyeopener conducted a study to determine whether the new “food scent” spray would motivate students to complete their workouts and diminish their disgust.

“I mean it depends on what type of food would be incorporated into this new technology,” second-year student Sarah Leidon said.

Others find this solution an easy way out.

“What the hell? How is covering the smell with “food scent” solving the hygienic problem we have here,” third-year student Clara Sammers said.

Students are being asked to report their opinions once the food scent sprays are implemented.

 

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