Illustration: Devin Jones

Rye teachers read their student reviews at fundraiser event

In Fun & Satire /

By Emerald Bensadoun

Professors are rejoicing after a small fundraising event that involved professors reading their own ratemyprofessors reviews out loud raised over $100,000 for their pension plan funds in less than five hours.

Last Friday, professors of all faculties gathered at a beach-themed party in Oakham House to perform dramatic readings of their ratemyprofessors reviews in an attempt to fundraise for their teacher’s pensions plans. There was a $10 entry fee that included free apples for all those in attendance. Additionally, students had the option of anonymously submitting a $5 bill along with their own ratemyprofessors review if they’d like to specifically request that theirs be read out loud, via carrier pigeon.

“I mean, if you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at, right?” said one professor, light-heartedly. “I’m thinking about revamping my entire syllabus to piss off the whiners.”

Faculties’ departments are nothing short of stunned by the news, absolutely dumbfounded that students might actually want their teachers to know what they think of them, and take their suggestions.
In a press release from the Office of the Provost and Vice President Academic, Ryerson University announced that they were thinking of making it a “bi-annual thing,” supported by Ryerson University’s administration.

“Walk-outs and putting pressure on Ryerson hasn’t worked so far,” admitted one Ryerson professor. “At the end of the day, daddy still needs a boat and an island.”

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