Photo: Rob Foreman and the Next Star. Illustration: Izabella Balcerzak

Ryerson hires YTV star as new Zone ambassador

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By Kent Clark

In an effort to revitalize innovation and synergetic practices at Ryerson’s Zone Learning Network, a group of collaborative incubation hubs, the university has installed YTV star Carlos Bustamante to the new position of Zone Ambassador.

Bustamante hosts ‘The Zone’ on YTV, “so the press release wrote itself,” Ryerson president Mohamed Lachemi told The Eyeopener. “Seriously, it literally wrote itself. We have an AI program that writes these and sends them to your business editor. He hasn’t figured it out yet.”

Lachemi said Bustamante incubates and accelerates spatial entrepreneurship at Ryerson’s Zones. Then he lay his finger aside his nose, chuckled and walked away humming “Hips Don’t Lie.”

I just miss working for kids. They knew what was real.

“Kids just watch Netflix now, so YTV doesn’t pay what it used to,” Bustamante said. “Ryerson offered me a lot of money to talk in buzzwords, so I’m just biting my lip and counting down the days ‘til I can quit. That’s what I did when Sugar was my co-host.”

Bustamante said Ryerson is at the forefront of specialized multi-disciplinary idea development. Then he looked into the distance, his eyes misty. It was as if his soul had temporarily left his body.

“I just miss working for kids. They knew what was real,” he said.

YTV issued a statement saying the company is excited that Bustamante is “spreading his wings” and that he will transition to part-time work at YTV.

“We’re gonna miss him. Have you seen how hot the guy is?” the statement read.

The YTV star is indeed hot, as several entrepreneurs at Ryerson’s DMZ (an incubator and multidisciplinary co-working space) said.

“When I’m innovating at my startup, sometimes I stop and wonder if it’s worth it or if Ryerson is just pulling a fast one on me by replacing my education with a self-guided business venture,” Miles Rodriguez, a fourth-year business management student, said.

“Then I look over at Carlos [Bustamante] smiling and yelling ‘Welcome to the zone!’ and I know that at least for a while, everything will be OK.”

At press time, Ryerson was engaged in customer-centric exploratory ideation.

Comments

    1. No, I was there when it all went down. I can confirm the events in this story!

    1. Do y’all know what the “fun” section is for? It’s okay if you don’t.

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