Briefs and Groaners

In Campus News, NewsLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Nathaniel Crouch 

Every week, The Eyeopener meets with Ryerson security and gets the low-down on what’s been happening on campus. Here are some notable, and often unfortunate, entries.

While running the world, has anyone taught business students how to chill out?


We know business students are the best, but having three unpaid internships that will one day evolve to a line of text on a resume, can really take its toll. Five individuals were caught green-handed as they kicked back and smoked some blunts on the TRSM stairwell. They were then escorted out. No word on whether they’ve changed their ways or realized cannabis has a brighter future than those pesky bitcoins.


The new trend is hookers and 8 a.m. lectures.


Forget sex workers and blow, the new hot is sex workers and education. Reported from the ground floor of the SLC, a known trespasser was barred for solicitation. Knowing how businesses need to get ahead in this day and age, you can no doubt find them somewhere on Instagram.


Nobody LOVES the Eric Palin Hall but damn man, relax.


There is a good amount of reasons not to be a fan of the EPH and it’s almost always the crap 20-second commute from the SLC. It’s like Hawkeye from the avengers, nobody’s favourite, but we’ll all be sad when it’s inevitably replaced by something way cooler. Therefore, when a non-community member disrupts an active class with loud noises and vandalism we hopefully start to appreciate what we have more than Joss Whedon did.


The Elevators are just having an off week


It would seem Ryerson developed new ways to stop students from overusing elevators. Instead of calling us out for being lazy like we do every other minute, Ryerson has instead simply pulled the technology from underneath our feet, like a mom who just can’t stand the sounds from your Nintendo DS on the annual family road trip. Reported throughout the week and at several locations (SLC, ILC, LIB and TRS), elevators have been stopping and entrapping poor students who all now have a new-found appreciation for something called “Stairs”.


Keep thinkin about that chilli


Some asshole stole someone’s chilli from the food court in the TRS building. Some bigger asshole went to security about it and filed a missing chilli report. Just be cool, folks. Don’t steal each other’s food—especially slow cooked, warm-ass, cozy chilli. That shit’s delicious


Leave a Comment