Briefs and Groaners: Kicking capitalism

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By Nathaniel Crouch

Every week, The Eyeopener meets with Ryerson security and gets the low-down on what’s been happening on campus. Here are some notable, and often unfortunate, entries.

Unwanted singing still really annoying to everyone in the immediate vicinity

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Despite Christmas movies’ love for showing us carols and those who’ll sing at us, those who sing without harmonization and without consent are doomed to make literally everyone who can hear very annoyed. As reported on  March 25, a non-community member was escorted and barred from property after following people around and singing to them. No word on whether or not they’ll be trying out for American Idol but hey, as long as it’s away from us, I’m down.

Student Learning Centre to be renamed Student Sleeping Center

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Security was quite shocked on March 26, when 20 non-community members were escorted out of the SLC for all napping together. Reportedly waiting for a store elsewhere downtown to open, the individuals were escorted out and advised waiting to go shopping is notoriously exhausting.  

Man’s vendetta against textbooks continues

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On Wednesday, a non-community member was reportedly screaming and kicking at the windows of the campus bookstore. No word on if he was infuriated at how expensive capitalism has made textbooks.

Trespassers’ escape stopped due to inability to see a glass door

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On March 29, a known trespasser in the first floor of Kerr Hall West was approached by security. Realizing they’d be arrested, the trespasser fled the area. While running, they destroyed a glass door, causing harm to themselves and a security member. Let this be a cruel reminder to those who never listened to the immortal school rule; “Just fucking walk in the hallway.”

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