Political parties vying for RSU happy that the bar couldn’t be lower

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By Lyba Mansoor

In the wake of the Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU) credit card scandal, other parties eyeing political power at the university could not be happier.

“After all that 6 Fest drama, we didn’t think there was room for the bar to be any lower. Suffice to say, we were pleasantly surprised,” said Ryerson student politician Dan Rao, head of the Disunite Slate. Other student politicians at the school expressed a similar jubilance as that of Rao’s.

“The RSU’s shortcomings have made things a hell of a lot easier for us. It’s like all we have to promise now is that we won’t blow thousands of dollars on personal shit… that’s it,” said Kalia Gonzalez, head of the Power Bottom party.

“It instantly took any pressure to perform  off my shoulders. Running after this shit-show is kind of like performing  at a talent show after the worst kid- no matter how bad you are, you’re going to look like fucking Beyoncé,” said Charlotte Snowy, a member of the Thunder Puppies party.

One party even admitted to already entertaining, “We won’t fuck you over as hard as Unify did,” as their runs slogan. Students at the university seemed slightly concerned at the attitude of the potential new RSU.

“It’s like they’re…happy? I don’t know that I’d want to vote for a party whose reaction to corruption is joy,” said one first-year student who is clearly being confronted with the concept of partisanship for the first time ever.

Despite some of the dubiousness apparent in the student body, relief is still, no doubt, the common emotion across all perspective parties.

Just when it seems like student politics at Ryerson cannot possibly get any worse, student politicians somehow find a way, and this new cohort is looking just as promising!

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