From the archives: Top Eye headlines from weeks our editors were born

By Editorial Staff

For this week’s feature, news editor Alexandra Holyk revisits years of reporting on the Ryerson Students’ Union. Many of the files she pulled from preceded her time at Ryerson, showing that sometimes to understand the present, we have to look to the past.

At 54 years old, The Eyeopener doesn’t quite qualify for a seniors discount, but it does have a few dinner table stories that could teach those darn kids a thing or two. A scroll through our archives features tips on everything from how much Gravol you can safely take to get high to how to swindle your university.

Here are some highlights of our effortlessly evergreen content, in accordance with the weeks that Eye editors were born.

“Household highs” (March 15, 1998)

This article is a shining example of The Eye’s critical service journalism: teaching students how to get zooted using common household items such as whipped cream canisters, bananas and a pound of raw peanuts. While this article was originally intended for folks on a budget, it works just as well for those who haven’t seen the plug since lockdown began. Stay home. Stay safe. Ten to 15 grams of nutmeg, when ingested, should cause a mild psychedelic experience.

— Catherine Abes, Editor-in-Chief

“The Silent Man” (Jan. 13, 1999)

This editorial shows the timeless and futile nature of trying to speak truth to power at Ryerson. Our silent man is one Claude Lajeunesse, a former president of Ryerson. Like a dictator fearing a coming revolution, Lajeunesse is reported to have avoided talking to the press at all costs. Any attempts by The Eye to reach him were cut short by Lajeunesse’s various assistants, who themselves had trouble reaching him.

— Eli Savage, Media Editor

“Confessions of a phone sex operator” (Feb. 9, 2000)

February is always a saucy month at The Eye with our annual Love & Sex issue coming out. My personal favourite was a graphic, yet poignant account of what it was like to be a phone sex operator by an anonymous contributor. While horny folks now have an infinite number of ways to get off online, the “ignorance, hatred and unrepentant misogyny” the writer dealt with over the phone seems to persist today.

— Kayla Zhu, Online Editor

“Have you heard of the scary bitch?” (Sept. 22, 1999)

In my humble opinion, The Blair Witch Project is the worst horror movie made to date, and this piece agrees. Thanks to the RTA grads who took it upon themselves to make a mockery of what already presents itself as such.

— Aaliyah Dasoo, Business and Technology Editor

“Scamming 101” (Jan. 17, 2001)

This article is made up of interviews with university students who are scamming the universities that are scamming them, like an Uno reverse card. Highlights include one student who created a fake newspaper-style obituary to prove his still-living grandfather’s death, which he used to get out of an exam, and another who split the cable from his school’s residence lounge TV so he could get free cable.

— Rochelle Raveendran, Fun & Satire Editor

“School too cheap and easy: Historians” (Jan. 20, 1999)

This piece from David Dias (who went on to write for Reuters) proves that questioning the value of your time at uni is timeless, though we have a more nuanced understanding of value, privilege and access now (kind of like Friends).

According to the aforementioned historians, grade inflation allowed mediocre students to infiltrate university campuses. The solution: “an elitist university structure where tuition is scaled up to match ‘prospective earnings’ and profs go without tenure.” Thankfully, the idea didn’t catch on (kind of like the Friends reboot).

— Kiernan Green, Communities Editor

“Rye women no longer getting squashed” (Oct. 18, 2000)

Upon seeing this headline, my first thought was, “Wow, how amazing, women are no longer getting squashed.” While sports aren’t my forte, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece because for the Ryerson women’s squash team in 2000, it seems sports weren’t their forte either. However, they persevered that year, and were no longer dead last at the Ontario University Athletics competitions, and I think that’s admirable.

— Abeer Khan, Arts & Culture Editor

“The fourth annual Eyeopener Drink Olympics” (Feb. 28, 1998)

Eye mastheads come and go, but we all have one thing in common: we take our drinking very seriously. It’s been some time since we’ve convened at the back of Ram in the Rye for post-production drinks, but, thankfully, we can live vicariously through our 1998 masthead in this recap of the fourth Eyeopener Drink Olympics.

The games featured delegates from six equivalent countries and organizations—Italy, Britain, Ireland, China, RyeSAC (now the RSU) and the Ryersonian—and heavyweight Eyelumni like The Globe and Mail’s Shane Dingman and The Athletic’s Sean Fitz-Gerald. Various degenerate events, like drunken twister and the luge (where competitors suck beer through straws as fast as they can), were held until Neill-Wycik security shut down the party (some things really do not change). I believe I speak for all Eye editors—past, present and future—in saying I’m proud of our legacy.

— Tyler Griffin, Online Editor