From the desk of the bastard Editor
What a gorgeous thing it is to be fast, young and out of control in your first weeks of University. I capitalize University because this is the big show…we all come here with the expectation that all of that high school garbage has been left behind. New friends, new places, new toys, new learning. NEW!!!
I am total envy of all you young bastards. You’re right, the next few years will change everything you know about yourself. You’re not going to like it at all; there is almost certainly going to be some foul-ups, some crying. Probably a test or essay destroyed by a vile confluence of too much drinking, flu-like symptoms, and an overindulgence in good TV or movies.
If you’re lucky you could in love, or in lust, at least a few times. If your friends are lucky you’ll discover the magic of courtesy music. You’re away from your parents (most of you) and that means it’s time to stay out all night and abuse your body with bad food, strange chemicals, and a lack of exercise. There is absolutely no moderating the reckless impulses of you hormonally charged maniacs; Nevertheless, try not to mangle anyone while you’re at it.
I have a standard line for people like you, aside from, “Get off the car dogfucker.” No, no, what I like to say is: “Stop waiting for things to happen to you and seize what you want.”
This is advice that seems easy for a jackass at a newspaper to spew out; after all, things are complicated. How do you know where to get what you want? Don’t you have to find a steed before you can grip it by the mane and ride it into the sunset?
C’mon, don’t bullshit me. I’ve been where you are, and no rollercoaster, ski-slope, cliff, r doorway to a plane 10,000 feet up is as mind-freezingly scary as taking yourself out of your comfort zone and trying to succeed at something new. On the other hand, while you might wet your pants out of fear, and tear your flesh out of excitement, when you grab a handful of the Main Line, of the Grand Mojo, when you Get What You Want, it’s like every orgasm you ever snuck exploding all at once. The afterglow of accomplishment will make the fearful jealous and raucous grin.
This is getting to sound like a pep talk, but I just want you witless monkeys to get it in gear quick. There’s nothing as pathetic as a geek who wakes up in fourth year and realizes they’ll have to go to grad school in order to take some risks. As I see it, you people are paying a ridiculous premium to come here, so you might as well enjoy the side benefits of university life.
Might I also modestly suggest that if you need a guide to the school for your travels through it, you come to us. When you want to be diverted from a boring lecture, bring us to class. When you want to interact with people from a different program (not that Ryerson balkanizes along program lines, heaven forbid) you use us to hook into the greater community.
Aside from witty and shit-ass wild stories about your university, this year The Eyeopener wants to be your one-stop source for cool crap and good times. Check out our Web site @ www.theeyeopener.com for an ever-evolving student-run Web community. Come to our pub nights at Ram in the Rye (the first one Sept.20) to mix and mingle with the hotties and the babes. Read us weekly, because we promise to get something in here that reflects you and your friends every week.
Hey, I’m shameless I know. But take my advice: While you’re here, take a plunge and do everything you can, meet everyone you want to, learn all that your brain can manage. University is the last sideshow before the real world gets you in its clutches, and The Eyeopener wants to make it worth the price of admission.