Ask the lesbian (Nov. 7)

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Attention all Ryerson lesbians! We have a cause to celebrate. This Friday is your favourite columnist’s birthday. Please accept this as your personal invite to her lesbian utopian celebration. Bring your friends to Pope Joan’s around eleven o’clock and find the lesbian in the centre of a mass of Ryerson journalism students — but no autographs… phone numbers, maybe.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled column.

Dear Lesbian,

Why can I go all summer randomly sleeping around with any Jane, Sue and Mary, but all of a sudden October hits and I feel the need to be honest and caring and to settle down? I’m dating three girls right now and I want to settle down with all three. What do I do?

Desperately seeking singledom

Dear singledom,

Sounds like you’re caught in the relationship solstice. When the summer heat dies down and the leaves start to drop you’ve hit the harvest season. You want to gather all your girls together for winter provisions. No one likes going to the bar in the winter. That’s coat check, sleet and cabs. It’s just easier to cuddle up with your girl in front of the TV and watch a movie. Winter is the relationship hibernation. Spend those glorious months in couplehood but watch out because before you know it the snow starts to melt and it turns into hunting season. Those mating urges are too hard to handle when a case of the Spring fever hits. Enter the pre-summer break-up because who wants to be tied down for a summer full of fun in the sun and late night beach parties scantily clad girls — okay in my dreams, but still it’s the ideal.

Anyways, I say there’s no escaping it. Give in to your primal urges. Settle down for a long winter’s love but be prepared for a letdown. I’m not saying this happens to every couple, but according to my straight roommate it is not just the gay community that follows this cycle. As for which girl to pick???? Anyone will do, you can always continue the hunt next spring.

Happy harvest,

Lesbian

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