Karen Dawson, Ryerson's most famous campus columnist, is leaving to satisfy her various other interests and, ahem, appetites.

The lesbian and the columnist

In Fun & Satire, Love & SexLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 2 minutes

After a year of probing sexual consciousness, the lesbian sets her sights somewhere over the rainbow

Dear Lesbian,

Are Gay people born or made?

Sincerely, Debating

Dear Debating,

This nature-versus-nurture debate has racked the brain of many a fine scholar, which I am not. As far as I’m concerned it doesn’t really matter.

The fact is that we’re here and we’re queer, what’s the big deal? Everyone, everyday has to deal with the “other” in society. Why must you know where it comes from?

Isn’t it enough to know that it’s there and it’s not as “other” as you make it out to be?

As soon as people stop trying to come up with a cause and start turning around the effects this question will disappear. So, don’t worry about whether somebody is born gay, or if they were made that way.

The fact is that they ARE gay and no one should question the way someone lives a healthy, happy life.

Cheers, Lesbian

Dear Lesbian,

How do lesbians really have sex?

Sincerely, Frustrated frat brother

Dear Frat brother,

Have you ever watched the Discovery Channel when the male elephant mounts the female and humps her against a tree until he exhaustedly thumps his fat ass for the last time, dismounts and trots away?

Did it remind you of any straight porn movie with a cowboy in chaps and his “little lady?” Lesbian sex is just the opposite. Answer your question?

No? Well try poking your eyeball with the end of a pencil until you start to cry.

This won’t give you an answer, but it will sum up the way I feel when some frat boy asks this question.

The answer is this: if you were any good in bed you’d know!

Cheers, Lesbian

The lesbian is out: a poem

“The time has come,” the lesbian said,

To talk of many things:

Of deadlines — and of editors — Of eyes

Outlined by rings

And why I can not write again — And whether

Leaving stings.”

“But wait a bit,” her readers cried

“Before you go away;

For some of us are wondering,

Who are you anyway?”

“Who am I?” asked the lesbian

“Besides the fact I’m gay?”

“I’ve not large head,” the lesbian said,

“From writing this past year.

I’m just a girl who had some fun

While joking with her peers

And it was great to have my words

Fall unto listening ears.”

“Then why the sudden change in tune?”

The readers want to know.

“Why is this your last column?

Why have you stopped the show?

And who will answer questions

When our heads are full of woe?”

“Today is my last column

‘cause today I find I’m cracking.

I love to answer questions

But I find my answers lacking

And the more I write to you my dears

The more I find I’m slacking.

My inbox slowly empties

As the novelty runs out.

If you’ve read my previous columns

Then you know what I’m about

I’ve been honest when it’s needed

And I’ve fudged to hear some shouts

So, “Today’s the day,” the lesbian said.

“My efforts don’t feel barren

You can still send me an email.

If you feel a little darin’

Don’t be afraid to chat.”

With the ex-columnist named, Karen.

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