You go to floor 2

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2 fast, 3 furious

You press the button for floor two, followed by the close door button (you impatient little shit), preparing yourself for a quick trip up to the next floor and hoping that Lachemi’s office is there. Better to try one floor at a time right?

You think to yourself: “This must be how A$AP Ferg and Future felt when they recorded their 2015 hit single ‘New Level’.” The elevator lurches upward. Business as usual, it would seem. But as quickly as your ride starts, it grinds to a stop, a hideous screeching sound coming from the elevator shaft. Then, silence. The doors remain closed. You press the open door button and nothing happens. It looks like you’re going to be stuck here for a while.

The emergency assistance button patches you through to Ryerson security, who take five minutes to respond because they were out hackin’ a dart and their walkie-talkie batteries were dead. They say they’re getting help, but you aren’t confident that it will be coming anytime soon.

Your mind immediately goes to that one embarrassing thing you did back in Grade 3. God, you looked like an idiot. So humiliating. But then again, embarrassment is a social construct. And it’s not like you’ll see any of those people ever again. Weird, how ephemeral relationships can be. How ephemeral this life is, when you think about it. How weird it is that people had to invent the word ephemeral just to say “lasting for a short time.” Kind of like your ex, actually. Interesting how everything is a construct when you get down to the brass tax of it. 

Your existential crisis only gets worse and worse. Four hours later, you are finally rescued from the elevator.

Go back to Jorgenson Hall

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