AN IN-DEPTH EXCLUSIVE

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This Week’s Topics: Philosophy and Canadian Politics

In recent months, great debate has arisen over Canada’s role in the Middle East. If you were the Prime Minister, what position would you take on Afghanistan’s opium trade, considering its role within the Afghani economic infrastructure?

Rex: What the fuck?

Senior Wons: What would I do?

Rex: Well, I’d say that it’s a priority to keep it off the streets of Canada. Other than that…

Senior Wons: I wanna take advantage of the opium trade, make a profit and pay it towards the deficit. In today’s modern society, is the notion of being normal a question of giving in, or successfully playing the game of life?

Rex: For me to answer that, I would have to know more about what normal is. For all I know, selling ass at Jarvis and Queen is normal, or having a home and a nice wife is normal.

Senior Wons: I don’t understand what you mean by the game of life. What is this game of life that you are talking about?

In how many years do you think it will take for the Chinese economy to surpass that of the American’s, and what do you think will be the ramifications of such developments?

Rex: Can we have a smoke break? I mean, is that possible?

Senior Wons: In 10 years they will take over the world. And the world is gonna be over because North Korea has Nuclear weapons. Yo, it’s true man. But that’s all I’ll say. Well, the next country is Iran. Definitely though, if it is Iran, it’s gonna be fucked up. You know?

Rex: Everything already says made in China so I don’t think much is going to change. How could it? You know what I mean?

The concept of immortality has always been likened to a state of Godliness, what do you think of mankind’s giant leaps forward in Human Genetic research?

Rex: I’d love to have four arms.

Senior Wons: Noooo, gotta end that shit. You know the movies man, and those computers and problems and shit. It’s not safe to play God–you get problems.

What position do you take on restorative vs. utilitarian justice? Discuss.

Rex: Oooowhaattt??? Say that again?

Senior Wons: You gotta explain that. Can you say what the fuck restorative is? If you’re talking about the gun thing, it should be 5 years first offence, 10 years second offence. Yo, I believe in that shit. Cause if I ever got arrested.

Rex: The restorative sounds like rehabilitating outcasts from society. You know, people who don’t fit in with me. I don’t know about that utilitarian thing though. Is that like utilities? Yo, I tried to phone a prostitute with the office phone.

Michael Ignatieff is running to become the leader of the federal Liberal Party, does it bother you that he hasn’t lived in Canada for the past 30 years, and yet may very well become our prime minister one day?

Senior Wons: Is that the Ukrainian guy? Yeah, I know about that shit. I hate him.

Rex: Isn’t that the guy who’s from our neighbourhood? He doesn’t represent shit.


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