By Jordan Heath-Rawlings
Thank you, Ryerson. Thank you, thank you, thank you … And fuck you!
Fuck you for robbing me of a real classical post-secondary education. Fuck you for goading me into believing that a sackful of subpar elective courses would compensate for three years of liberal arts education at the University of Toronto. Fuck you for making me think I’d have enough skills to land a steady job. Fuck your fee increase. I never saw a quality increase. Fuck your cafeteria, it’s always closed. And fuck your contract with Aramark, too. I know that’s a shady bit of cronyism. Fuck your president, what has he ever done for me or any other student?
Fuck your overbearing administration, and fuck the ivory tower they cower in. Fuck you for clamping your mouths shut whenever you feel you’re in the wrong.
And fuck your lower gym. Muslims should be praying in there. Fuck checking attendance. Fuck your make-work assignments. This isn’t high school, despite all the lockers. Fuck your meal-plans that don’t give you the remainder. That’s stealing. Fuck your cinder-block residences. This isn’t a prison, either.
Fuck the RAC, too, and its lock-and-key entry system. Would it kill you to have one basketball court that’s open to the public? Fuck Lake Devo without the ice. I understand that you need to expand, but that was a piece of Canadiana, assholes.
Fuck your $20 proof of enrollment forms. Fuck paying $40 just to apply to graduate. Fuck you for not even telling me I have to apply to graduate in the first place. Fuck a late fee jacked on top of tuition I can’t pay until I can pick up my student loan.
Fuck witholding my grades for $5 in library fees. Fuck affordable education all of it. It was just a fairy tale anyway. And fuck RyeSAC, for trying to make me believe in the Easter Bunny. But most of all, fuck you Ryerson, for never encouraging free thought and new ideas. Fuck all you insecure academic wannabes in Jorgenson Hall.
Without John Cook, you got nothing.