DEAR CRAZY LADY: GET STONED AND GET LOST

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John Mather

Editor-in-Chief

This editorial was going to be about drugs, but then some crazy lady went and pissed me off.

Dear unstable Ryerson staff person, After the infantile conversation I had with you in my office yesterday, I have come to one conclusion: You must be addicted to shrooms.

And not the fun psychedelic shrooms to the right, but petty and puerile shrooms who like to pick on students.

If you aren’t hooked, please consider taking some sort of hallucinogenic drug, because the perverted reality you see right now is scary.

Why did you come into my office yesterday and claim one of the paper’s reporters lied to you? I asked him. He says he didn’t lie. And since he was not yelling at me and threatening my paper, I believe him.

And the whole conversation is on tape too, so that helps.

No Ryerson employee should act the way you did. You made all staff at this school look bad with this bizarre performance.

So crazy lady, I’m not going to print your name like you asked – and not because you think I can’t. Believe me, I can, and some people in this office told me I should.

I am not going to run your name because of how insane you appear to be.

This paper has been threatened countless times (it’s at least a once-a-month occurrence) and never before have I been concerned for the safety of the staff. You may very well chase us all with a hatchet. And if this seems extreme to you, it’s not. Drugs can really mess with a person.

Even if our reporter had misrepresented himself, the way you acted would not be justified. You are supposed to be the adult and not throw two-year-old temper tantrums.

Right now, my only regret is that I didn’t stand up to your accusations with more force.

Silly me, I believed that our reporter might have made a misstep – it’s happened before and we are always apologetic.

But as far as I can tell, he’s the one with any sense or decency in this situation.

You say you asked him to contact your superior about the story.

Don’t worry, the paper will talk with him about how utterly unprofessional your behaviour was.

It was also self-absorbed, infantile and despicable.

I’m in my fifth year at Ryerson, my third year at the paper and I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit – but nothing that compares to yesterday.

And this is what I’ll tell your boss.

If you want to make it up to the paper, you can write a letter of apology to the reporter and Adrian, our associate news editor who you reamed out on the phone.

You don’t need to apologize to me.

This editorial is therapy enough.

Oh, and don’t worry, I won’t print your name in this space either.

To summarize, I guess what I am trying to saying is: Go to hell.

I hope you got that through the drugs.

Here it is again: Go to hell.

You are no longer welcome in the Eyeopener office.

In fact, as far as I’m concerned, you’re no longer welcome at this university. It really is a shame they don’t let me make those decisions, but what can you do?

And don’t worry, we won’t be calling you again for comment anytime soon, crazy lady.

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