Forget the weddings, crash conventions instead

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By Amanda Cupido

To the right is a cake shaped like a set of breasts. To the left, a giant wall of dildos. Ass-spanking, dry humping and nipple whipping can be heard from all directions.

Even in the midst of a sex-filled environment, it’s hard to ignore the two guys dressed up as a penis and a cat.

The people in costume, Jason Agnew and Matt Chin, are there for a strategic reason.

The Conventioneers, a half-hour show on BITE TV, follows Agnew and Chin as they crash conventions.

On Nov. 21 they were at the All About Sex Show at the Exhibition Place where they interviewed porn stars, modeled underwear and examined dildos with lights and beads.

Agnew, a Ryerson radio and television arts graduate, is the executive producer of BITE TV and co-host and producer of The Conventioneers.

“A lot of people in the convention world take themselves too seriously,” says Agnew. “That’s the root of our show.” With over 50 episodes completed, this is their third time at the sex show.

Agnew starts off by interviewing Uncle D, the Canadian ass man. Dressed as a lumberjack, Uncle D prides himself on knowing how to perfectly smack asses. He lets Agnew practice spanking the two girls at his station: one with a slender black one-piece outfit and the other in a red one-piece that accentuates her curves and booty. Agnew then turns and asks the ladies to inspect his ass. “I want a girl to smack it and for it to jiggle for days,” he says. The girls laugh and tell him he needs to fatten up.

The Conventioneers was BITE’s first half-hour show. It was developed after Agnew did two short bits at conventions and pulled his intern, Chin, to co-host alongside him. They immediately hit it off.

“It’s amazing to pair up with someone who is different comedically than myself,” says Agnew who describes his chemistry with Chin as a mix of big brother/little brother and father/son.

Chin approaches porn star, Maxine X, who has a booth of all of her finest work. DVDs, posters and head (with breast) shots are on display. Through the unzipped top of her black, leather dress, her red bra is fully exposed, barely covering her nipples. “Faster” she says as Chin is thrusting her from behind, fully clothed. “Harder” she moans. After the anal sex reenactment, she showed Chin her machine that thrusts dildos. When asked if the dildo on it was new, Maxine X said, “It’s been in a lot of pussies.”

Finding interesting people to interview for the show isn’t always easy.

“When I’m on the convention floor, I’m looking for someone who’s going to be a good interview,” Agnew says. “Something to feed off of.”

Agnew notes that some people don’t appreciate the comedy behind the show. “It rubs some people the wrong way,” he says. “But it rubs a lot of people the right way.”

As Agnew dances around as a cat, Chin rearranges the balls of his penis costume — one on each of his feet. “It’s surprisingly comfortable,” says Chin as people swarm the two to take pictures.

Chin said the show allows him to do things he would not regularly do. Whether or not that includes being in a penis costume, the stint grabbed people’s attetion. “We like to do the unexpected and catch other people off guard,” he says.

BITE TV is on Rogers 106 and The Conventioneers can be seen Tuesdays at 9 p.m. or Saturdays and Sundays at noon.

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