Briefs & Groaners

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In a story that warmed the Eyeopener news team’s cold dead hearts, a turtle that was reported as stolen from a staff member’s aquarium last week was found alive and well. It had been walking along the baseboards of the same office it was reported missing from.

A student is missing his wedding ring after he accidentally left it in a Kerr Hall East bathroom last Monday. He took it off to wash his hands and came back later to find it had gone. The ring is gold with a silver band in the centre.

Security was called to arrest a man who may not fully understand the rules of commerce. He was swearing at staff while trying to leave the ILLC cafeteria with two cups of tea that he didn’t want to pay for. Having previously been barred from campus, he was turned over to Toronto police.

A student reported her $300 iPhone stolen after she left it at a Kerr Hall West computer lab for two minutes last Tuesday. We say don’t leave anything anywhere.

A laptop was stolen – possibly by the Invisible Man – from a student on the library’s 8th floor. She turned around to talk to a friend in another cubicle and when she turned back to her work a minute later her laptop was gone. No one suspicious had been seen.

A security member is on light duty after a conflict with a man who seemed to be under the influence of crack cocaine. Security was called to a SHE building washroom where a man had scattered his personal property, including crack pipes, and had stayed for over two hours.

Locker thefts are still ongoing. A hard drive was reported missing from an RCC locker and a laptop has been taken from a locker in the VIC building. Because being robbed is awful, we say that if you live nearby try to leave your stuff at home, or try to carry your most valuable items.

A man who must love to learn was barred from campus after sitting in on two separate lectures in the same day and interrupting by constantly asking questions. Our tips: don’t draw attention to yourself, and you don’t get any credit if you don’t pay.

A student called police after being asked for his ID by pub staff. In a hilarious turn of events, he was then arrested for being drunk.

And finally, a student ended up in hospital after cutting her finger while trying to cut an avocado.

—Lee Richardson

Photo: Lee Richardson

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