Pantaloons and Groaners

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A roundup of some of the shadier — and just plain odd — things that happen around Ryerson’s downtown campus.

Security was called to an Eric Palin classroom on Feb. 9 after reports that a homeless male entered the class. The male sat in the middle of the ongoing class and proceeded to remove his shoes. When security arrived they asked him to put his shoes back on and the man left. Looks like security will have to start carrying Dr. Scholl’s foot cream.

A disturbance was reported at Chang School on the evening of Feb. 10. A woman was upset that the school didn’t have any skates that her son could rent out so he could skate on Lake Devo. Sorry lady, this is a university. Our tuition is too high to start spending money on skates for your kid.

A student reported a stolen guitar in the first floor of ILLC. The student had been writing an exam and was asked to keep his belongings at the rear. The student was one of the last students to finish writing and when he went to collect his stuff, the guitar was gone. Poor guy. We find it ironic that the option of musical healing was literally stolen from him.

On Feb. 11 security arrived at the Kerr Hall Rye-O-Mat (AKA the dungeon) to catch a male student and four female students drinking in the building. Staff chatted to the students and they left. Security caught the same students in a verbal argument later that night but the students ran away. If that wasn’t enough, security found them once again, this time in a physical fight on Gould St. They refused to stop fighting so Toronto police reported to the scene and eventually everyone went home. We guess this is what happens when parties are veto’d in residence.

Security got a smelly surprise on the afternoon of Feb. 12 when they reported to Pitman hall to find a chair in the elevator littered with human feces. Maintenence was called to clean up the mess which stunk up the elevator for the remainder of the day. Keep it in the toilet folks.

A “sketchy looking” homeless man was reportedly whispering to patrons skating on Lake Devo on Feb. 13. No reports indicate what exactly he was saying but we assume they were raunchy sweet nothings.

After reports that a woman was screaming in the POD building, security rushed to the scene. Turns out the woman was part of a charity event. That wasn’t screaming, they were cheering. A friendly warning to future charity events: ever hear of the boy who cried wolf?

On Feb. 8, security was called to the first floor of the TRSM building to deal with an intoxicated non-community member. The male was making inappropriate racist comments to students and said he had come to pick up a woman.

A student turned in another student after he saw him steal another’s iPhone. He confronted the man stealing and called security. Police finally arrived four hours later. By that time everyone involved finally gave up. Epic fail on police.

Two thefts were reported in the men’s change room on Feb. 6. The perp tore back the top of both locked lockers and stole a wallet from one and a cellphone from the other. Either this guy is crazy strong, or the Incredible Hulk has been visiting campus.

On Feb. 10 on the 9th floor of the library building a woman left her bag unattended. When she returned the bag was stolen. (Whoop, big surprise.) Another student found the bag later in the garbage of a men’s washroom. Everything was returned except for the cash.

Thank you Toby. We asked and you listened. You had that disgusting toilet cleaned up. We can now breathe a little easier in the SCC second floor washroom. And to you readers, we are sorry for that alarming photo last week. But come on, that was SHIT.

— Rebecca Burton

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