Get out while you still can

In Features /

Mohamed Omar explains why the residence bubble won’t be a stable bunker
when the T-Virus hits Toronto

Of the many pointless and pseudo-intellectual conversations I have had with my friends in Pitman Hall, not one comes close to the useless hypothetical value of the zombie question: What would you do if there was a zombie outbreak in Toronto?

More importantly, where would you go? For me, a resident in Pitman Hall, the “rez bubble” is the first thing that comes to mind. Yonge- Dundas Square, the AMC building, the Eaton Centre, Yonge Street, all of which are just a few steps away from my dorm room.

They have started to feel like the only places I know in Toronto.

Three blocks west and I’m at Yonge-Dundas Square. Three blocks east and I’m asking for directions.

That’s why I’d probably be eaten first.

Living in residence has its benefits. The average Pitman resident can wake up 20 minutes before a class, sans sobriety, and still make it before most commuters.

Unfortunately, this makes for exceptional laziness which would lead to the demise and utter zombification of most rez students.

Residence also limits your geographical expansions and your urban excursions in one of the most diverse cities in the world. Also, the most populated city in Canada — not a good thing in a zombie apocalypse.

The rez bubble exists for one main reason: students are strangers in the big city upon arrival.

I recall moving here from Calgary in August and settling into Pitman Hall.

There were two destinations that we visited every day for the first two weeks: the LCBO on Yonge and Dundas and Pita Land on Gerrard and Mutual.

The LCBO was for obvious reasons, and Pita Land has good and greasy food (albeit not nearly as nutritious as healthy human flesh).

Why did we choose these two locations initially? Familiarity. We heard people mentioning Pita Land being “bomb” and “right there” or the LCBO being “two steps away from rez” . We registered them in our minds as familiar, places we recognized and knew.

The rez bubble is the ultimate result of this familiarity. Locations within close proximity to Pitman Hall start as landmarks and indicators to guide guests visiting Toronto. Then they slowly become part of residence life.

Sooner or later, they are the only thing you know in Toronto. That said, not every student is forever locked in the rez bubble.

Some students, you might call them ‘the survivors’, make a habit of trying a new restaurant every Sunday.

This way they avoid eating from the ILLC for breakfast (starts to taste like brains to the uninfected human).

This however, costs money — a rare commodity in student life.

So to return to the whole zombie theory, my experience with the rez bubble would help me survive temporarily in the general campus area.

But what if the zombies take over the residence bubble?

When hell comes to earth, where the hell do we go?

Photo by: Chelsea Pottage

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