Briefs and Groaners

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A roundup of some of the shadier — and just plain odd — things that happen around Ryerson’s downtown campus.

Security was ever-present during the March 30 World Cup cricket match between Pakistan and India. They responded to the first noise complaint in Kerr Hall to quiet down a bunch of students playing a game of hide and go seek. They also responded to a number of students playing cricket in Kerr Hall. The final complaint was extreme noise coming from students watching the game.

A car speeding from Victoria Street onto Gould Street, hit a planter and sent it flying about 100 feet. The planter hit the tree in front of the bookstore and smashed the car’s own front lights. It continued on through the Gould Street closure and sped away. Imre Juurlink, security services, dubbed it “road-closure rage”.

A male was caught sleeping behind a reception desk in the Ted Rogers building. The student said they wanted to have an afternoon nap and thought it would be a nice place to have one. We say it’s a subtle jab at administration for overworking him.

Security heard two loud explosions at 2:30 a.m. on April 2 coming from the quad. The students responsible said they were conducting an experiment. We wish our lives were as exciting.

Two female Pitman Hall residents were returning from a club night and decided to get street meat. While they were waiting, a guy in his early 20s started to call the vendor names, then turned to the residents, calling them disgusting and gross. When the students shoved him, it evolved into a small scrap. It soon calmed down and the residents left. Later on they saw the man running towards residence. He went inside to speak with security, but the two residents were unsure why. He then came back outside and the three began to fight again. According to both of the residents, the fight was ‘blurry’ and left them with minor scrapes, cuts and bruises. Police were called but laid no charges. Tragically, one lost her food after throwing it at the attacker’s face. “I saw my street meat lying on the ground, dying,” she said.

As the sun sets on the smokiest, best-looking and most poetic masthead in all of history, the news team would like to personally thank you, that grungy engineering student whose skin is still tinged with purple, for savouring these bizarre examples of campus life every week.

— The Eyeopener News Team

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