Briefs & Groaners

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A roundup of some of the shadier — and just plain odd — things that happen around Ryerson’s downtown campus.

Three boxes of paper (worth $200) were stolen from Duplicating and Printing Services on Sept 19. Too bad you didn’t put those skills towards stealing something badass.

A bike was reported stolen from a rack at 99 Gerrard St. on Sept. 22. The thief reportedly lifted the rack, slid the pole and lock off the bike and rode away. Seems like way too much effort to us.

A baby squirrel appeared to be lost on Sept. 21 and security helped it find its way. We’re still wondering what makes a squirrel look “lost.”

A naked, masturbating man was found standing in Lake Devo on Sept. 23. When approached by security, he assured them he was “just taking a shower.”

A man was arrested for trespassing in a women’s bathroom on the 2nd floor of Eric Palin Hall. When asked why he was there, he said he was considering committing a sexual assault. We suggest all future criminals ponder their crimes and get caught.

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