Who doesn’t like coffee? It’s refreshing, delicious, and coursing with caffeine — an essential part of any university student’s diet.
With this in mind, we set out to scientifically establish the best cup of coffee on campus.
We filled four blank, white cups with four of the biggest caffeine providers on campus. Then we had our panel of seven expert judges blindly evaluate them based on overall taste, bitterness, aroma and aftertaste, awarding up to give points for each category.
But, without the usual pomp and circumstance accompanying a coffee purchase, we got some surprising results.
Apparently, coffee sucks.
Our caffeine-addicted masthead gave only one coffee a passing grade, and a measly 11/20 at that. The rest of the coffees fell noticeably short of the mark.
What does it mean? Probably nothing. But for a group that drinks these same coffee choices as much as we do, the scores are surprising.
It would appear that if you take away the brand and the fancy cup, coffee isn’t actually that great.
Don’t get us wrong, we love our coffee, but scores like these make you wonder — why exactly do you drink that stuff?
Oakham’s Medium Roast: 8/20
Ryerson’s own Oakham cafe placed second overall, but still received a failing grade according to our judges.
“This was really watery,” said associate photo editor Marissa Dederer.
“I think of a dirty gas station when I drink this.”
“Terrible and watery,” said editor-in-chief Lauren Strapagiel. “Very watery.”
“It’s okay,” said biz and tech editor Sarah Del Giallo. “But not incredibly flavourful. I prefer a stronger brew.”
Starbuck’s Pike Place Blend 7/20
Starbucks, long heralded as the holy land for coffee drinkers, surprisingly scored lowest overall.
“This one is dark,” said Dederer. “It actually has taste. This is typical coffee breath drink. All you need now is some cigarettes. And a breath mint.”
“Foul garbage water,” said Lagerquist. “Is this even coffee?”
“My standards have never been so low,” said Turgeon. “It was acceptable.”
Several editors refused to finish their cup.
Pitman’s 100% Columbian: 11/20
Perhaps an unexpected souce of coffee, Pitman Hall cafeteria’s cup actually scored highest, barely breaking the 50 per cent score.
“I didn’t feel the need to spit it out,” said online editor Jeff Lagerquist.
“Better than [the first],” said communities editor Nicole Siena. “I likey.”
“Not as bad as [the first],” said news editor Carolyn Turgeon.
“Still not spectacular. Odd aftertaste.”
Tim Horton’s Coffee 8/20
The final blend we tried was the solid Timmy’s cup. Continuing the trend of bizzare scores, it also failed, tying Oakham’s for second place overall.
“Pretty okay,” said Lagerquist. “Kind of bland.”
“Smells sweet,” noted Dederer.
“Tastes bad. How dare they make this deception!”
“Smelled nice,” agreed Strapagiel. “But tasted awful.”
“This experiment makes me dislike coffee,” said Siena. “Tea for me please.”