Let’s talk about sex, baby

In Communities /

By Shannon Baldwin

Sucking on the tip of a condom and holding a solid grey dildo, Carlyle Jansen demonstrates to a room full of students how to put a condom on with her mouth.

After a moment’s pause, she dives onto the fake penis, her head bobbing. With a quick slide of her hand to finish the roll, she’s done in a matter of seconds. The slightly stunned room breaks into a round of applause.

“Remember to suck the condom, don’t chew it,” said Jansen, owner of Good for Her sex shop and a sex educator.

She spoke to Ryerson students last Friday at Sexability, an event presented by the Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU) to help students explore their sexualities.

Sucking was explored a lot at the event, but this was just one of the moves Jansen had lined up to demonstrate. Everything from toys to black latex gloves to an intro to kink was discussed, demonstrated and passed around. Batteries included.

Amira Ali, a third-year early childhood education student, took four hours to debate whether or not to join the event; her parents think she’s working on a project.

But having just started to come out as a gay Muslim woman, learning about sex was her next step in accepting her sexuality.

“I’ve known I’m gay for a long time now but the accepting part is new,” she said. “I actually regret accepting it because now that I have, I want to explore it.” While the event was a light hearted and fun way to explore new tips and tricks, Jansen brought up many serious matters.

Her biggest message was about practicing communication and consent.

“Ask, ‘Can I fuck you now?’ …rather than ‘…When can I put my fingers inside of you?'”said Jansen.

She explains that at the end of the day, both people want to reach orgasm and to help each other do it, so they need to feel comfortable with what they’re doing.

She said that sex often escalates quickly, and then reaches a plateau.

It’s generally at this moment that people begin to panic and try to dazzle each other with fancy moves.

“But sometimes, it’s good to stay right there because orgasms are a buildup of energy. So we actually need that plateau,” Jansen said.

According to the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, 29 per cent of women always orgasm with their partner, compared to 75 per cent of men.

Jansen herself didn’t orgasm until she was 28 years old. In fact, she said she was terrified of sex and waited until she was 21 before losing her virginity. Then, the partner she was sleeping with dumped her because their sex life didn’t live up to his expectations.

That’s when she discovered her first vibrator: The Hitachi Magic Wand.

The vibrator was plugged into an extension cord and passed around at the event so people could try out one of two speeds, high and really high.

Jansen keeps all her toys in a box she calls “pervertables,” but admits she’s still afraid to be face-to-face with a partner during sex.

“Sex is a skill. For a very small percentage of people, doing what feels right works. But most bodies aren’t like that,” Jansen said. “You have to learn what to do.”

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