Sgt. Jake Scott will guide you on your journey to find the most economically-efficient buzz of all time.

Photo: Rob Foreman

Fucked up on the cheap: how to get drunk on a budget

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By Jake Scott

A defining part of the university experience is having no money while managing to get drunk as frequently as possible.

So how does one maintain a lifestyle of booze-fueled academia? By knowing the hotspots for dirt-cheap beer and where one can partake in cannabis consumption in a public setting (for medicinal purposes only, of course).

Instead of seeing you bumble about Toronto, blindly paying $25 for pitchers and smoking dope in poorly lit alleyways, we have put together this handy little guide to getting FUBAR without breaking the bank.


Ah liquor, the water of life that makes crushing deadlines and soul-sucking required readings bearable. The closest bars to campus are the Imperial Pub and the Ram in the Rye. The Imperial has a great atmosphere and you may even run into some profs there, but it’s goddamn expensive. The glorious Ram should be your second home, if only for convenience.

However, they also offer some reasonably priced alcohol. Plus, there is a solid 80 per cent chance you will see an Eyeopener editor situated somewhere in the Ram. Just yell “Fuck the ‘Sonian” and see who cheers.

Lou Dawgs and the Marquis of Granby are also near campus if the university bar scene isn’t for you. The Marquis has a house lager that is meant for fragile student wallets – it’s a steal at $4 a pint. Lou Dawgs’ pints start at $5, but their frosh week special isn’t something to miss. Pitchers of their house lager are $10 until Sept. 7. Failing that, many other bars are student friendly.


Smoking weed in your dorm room is an empirically bad idea and you know it. You should try to avoid that. If you want to steer clear of any judgment or scrutiny there are some establishments in Toronto that cater to that exact need.

Just up Yonge Street is Vapor Central, a nice place to relax and use an $800 Volcano vaporizer to get stoned. There is a small cover of $5, or $10 on event nights. A more economic solution would be the Hotbox Cafe/Roach-o-rama in Kensington Market. It features a gorgeous patio for smoking fatties – the minimum purchase to use the facilities is a mere $4.20.

That’s a bottle of water and a pack of rolling papers for the savvy. Get your stoner giggles out and remember that it’s just a number.

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