Photo illustration: Farnia Fekri

Lattice bow our heads in mourning

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By Keith Capstick

For years, Ryerson students have forked over an extra $1.25 with an anxious smile on their faces to have their Ram Burger be accompanied by a heaping pile of Shreddie-like fried potatoes. Now, those smiles lay dormant.

The Ram in the Rye decided this summer that lattice fries would no longer be a part of the Ryerson student experience. My fellow Rams, lattice fries are no more.

Walking around the halls of the Student Campus Centre (SCC), the gaping hole in the “drunchie” community punches you in the face with the mighty force of hundreds of empty student stomachs grumbling in protest.

It’s the smell that students miss most — there was something different about the Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate (or “SAP”, as the students called it) fried to perfection and wafting through the ventilation system all the way up to The Eyeopener office.

There are no words to describe the feeling of absolute emptiness that comes with sitting down to get your first Ram Burger of the year only to be met with the phrase, “Oh, we don’t have those anymore,” after politely asking to substitute your pathetic straight cut fries with lattice-tastic-ness.

One Eyeopener media editor, after learning the news about the absence of his favourite mid-day snack said, “Looking at the menu I had to hold back my tears. I looked up at the server and asked, ‘Where are the lattice fries?’ All I got back was empty eyes and a response filled with regret.

“We’re the last generation of lattice lovers. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like for first-years joining the Ramily without becoming captivated by that crispy texture.”

The student also brought up the most important question of all — what is a Ryerson student without the ability to enjoy this delicate series of potatoey quadrilaterals? It is certainly not outside the realm of possibility that this could have a massive impact on campus cohesion.

“What’s a lattice fry?” a first-year student said the other day. I could see the barriers building up between him and his second-year friends. The truth of the matter is that lattice fries brought us together; they paired with meals of all shapes and colours. Above all else, they made us feel like we were a part of something bigger than ourselves.

All of this in mind, The Eyeopener would like to invite you to join us in mourning the loss of our closest companion, as we remember (or try to remember) the drunk times and the moments where we just needed a familiar taste to get us through the day. Tissues and ketchup will be provided.

Please join us as we rent a deep fryer and try to replicate the once great taste of these taters. We will stand around the deep fryer and allow the skin on our legs to be seared by the frolicking grease, because to truly come to terms with this, we have to replicate the pain that this loss has caused.

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