By Victoria Shariati
Ah, the one-legged pigeon of Ryerson — a famous figure on campus. Students and regular citizens alike fondly regale each other with stories of the deformed bird.
It’s been brought to my attention that the pigeon has gone missing. Is she dead? Was she eaten? Did she just pick up and leave, sick of all the attention she was getting at Ryerson?
Fret no more, my friends. I know the truth. Our one-legged pigeon is less of a circus freak and more of a noble revolutionary than any of us expected.
The year was 2004. Facebook had just launched and everyone had flip phones. Outside the realm of human interest, however, a revolution was brewing.
The Pigeons’ Movement was one that had a substantial following, as all pigeons agreed that their resemblance to seagulls was systematically ruining their lives. They were sick and tired of being mistaken for the evil birds, who had garnered a bad reputation among the humans. As a result, a group of passionate individuals decided to take action.
Our one-legged pigeon was in the midst of a sit-in on the Kerr Hall Quad and was a leading figure of the Pigeons’ Movement. She was giving a speech (telepathically, of course) when an idea flashed across her mind. Why not make it clear that we are a force to be reckoned with?
As the birds communicated, it was decided that they would amputate a leg to demonstrate their seriousness. They wanted to be seen as unique, dammit. To them, this was the only solution. I won’t go into the grisly details of how exactly it was done, but I will say that it included some plastic knives and a lot of effort.
The movement yielded minimal results and soon, all of the dismembered pigeons lost touch. Of course, most of them died immediately, as they were unable to fend for themselves. Actually, all but one was deceased. She is the mastermind behind the imprudent plan. She is (you guessed it) the one-legged pigeon of Ryerson.
For years, she wandered around the campus, hoping to run into one of her old friends from her old life. Was the movement still kicking? Did she cut off her leg for no reason?
While humans laughed and took pictures of her, she cried. All of this suffering, because she wanted to fight the good fight.
Now, the question of where she disappeared to. The infamous one-legged pigeon is not, in fact, dead. She was discovered by some young activists, who then brought her underground to speak to a gathering of pigeons who wanted to revive the movement. She is respected there, and she is hopeful.
Expect to hear about the second wave of the Pigeons’ Movement. Expect to see some more deformed feathery friends hopping about. Let it be known that it all started with the one-legged pigeon of Ryerson.