By Robert Mackenzie
People love to flaunt their favourite colours. Asking people their favourite colour can be a great way to start a conversation. But sometimes they answer with black or white and then you tell them that black and white don’t count because technically they’re shades not colours, which makes you sound a bit douchey. But the point is colours are good. Without colours we wouldn’t have rainbows, Clifford or Wes Anderson movies.
I’m here to give an in-depth ranking of the eight best colours in the world based on my research and expertise. For the sake of transparency I will admit that yellow is by far my favourite colour, but I promise that I will not let it get in the way of making an objective list.
Orange isn’t a good colour. Have you ever seen a non-bright shade of orange? It’s disgusting! If your skin is orange it either means you eat a lot of carrots, or you put on a lot of spray tan.
Things that are orange: butternut squash, Oompa Loompas, my bed sheets.
Blood is red, and so is a lot of lipstick. According to colour psychology, red is associated with energy, war, danger, strength and power. But I think red is mostly associated with fire Pokémon, toboggans and guys named Nick. Red is an ambiguous colour and it can’t be trusted.
Things that are red: stop signs, red carpets, interview chairs on Ellen.
I bought a pink shirt in grade 5 and I used to match the shirt with a pretty sweet pair of jean shorts that I had cut myself. Unfortunately, pink isn’t a common enough colour to rank in the top five. Remember, these rankings have been determined through years of research.
Things that are pink: lotus flowers, Hello Kitty’s wardrobe, flesh.
What a tough ranking! Blue is an overrated colour. Lots of people think that the ocean is blue, but it’s just a trick. Sometimes when people are sad they say they’re feeling blue, and that’s no good! Blue skies are pretty great though. Big shout out to blue skies.
Things that are blue: Thomas the Tank Engine, “Gg” in Google, my Frisbee.
Purple is a funny word. When I was 10 purple was my favourite colour and I was allowed to get my room painted purple. Now I have a purple room, it’s pretty cool. But purple nurples aren’t cool, and I used to get a lot of those.
Things that are purple: eggplant, Tinky Winky, Raisin Bran box
Top three… this is getting pretty serious! Green is the colour of grass, leaves, guacamole and other cool nature stuff. Green is also the colour cartoon characters turn when they’re feeling sick. If the Hulk and Green Giant fought, who would win? Hopefully they would be able to work out their differences so they wouldn’t have to resort to physical violence.
Things that are green: The Mask, Son of the Mask, Oompa Loompa hair
Nobody gives brown the credit it deserves. One hundred dollar bills are brown, and that’s some big-time cash! Brown is the colour of good moustaches, cigars and the 1970s. Brown is also the colour of chocolate and chocolate desserts, yum! Congratulations to the colour brown.
Things that are brown: pot roast, acorns, lots of last names
Well, I think we all knew this was coming! Yellow has long been the world’s most dominant colour. Yellow is happy and warm, like the sun from Teletubbies. Mellow Yellow is the name of a popular song, and a less-popular pop brand. In cartoons, characters with blonde hair actually have yellow hair. Winnie the Pooh is yellow, and he never complains about having to deal with Eeyore’s whiny shit. Wizard Khalifa made a song about yellow, but apparently he was talking about Bumblebee from Transformers. All my research has only confirmed that yellow is the world’s best colour.
Things that are yellow: pineapple, Tweety Bird, Hufflepuff