Pigeons in high places, jail cells

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By Robert Mackenzie

A Ryerson pigeon has been arrested for roof-topping, according to Toronto Police.

Police detained 14-year-old (two in human years) Paddy the Pigeon Friday night on the roof of Eric Palin Hall. According to police, Paddy was engaging in what is known as “roof-topping,” the practice of taking photographs from the roof of a building, particularly one accessed illegally.

Usually the photographs are then posted on Instagram and are accompanied by a song lyric. Sometimes these pictures receive a lot of “likes,” but that’s more dependent on the person that posts it, how many followers they have and how much their followers enjoy pictures taken from the top of buildings.

In an exclusive interview with The Eyeopener, Paddy denied the police’s allegations. “I was on the roof because I’m a pigeon and that’s one of the places we like to go,” said Paddy. “I have never taken a picture in my life because I am a pigeon and therefore am unable to carry out even the most basic human functions.”

However, Toronto police aren’t buying Paddy’s claims of innocence. “There was an old Italian lady at Bathurst station throwing bread to all of the pigeons during the time of the offence,” said Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair, who has personally taken over the case. “If Paddy is really a pigeon, then why wasn’t she going for some bread?”

Despite these accusations, Paddy stands by the fact that she is in fact a pigeon. “Look at me. This is what pigeons look like. I don’t know what they think I am if I’m not a pigeon.”

The Toronto police have invested over $500,000 into this investigation of local roof-toppers. Blair says they are currently looking into Paddy’s social media accounts for evidence of the crime.

“I don’t have Instagram or anything because I am a pigeon,” said Paddy.

Paddy is set to defend her case in court on April 16.

UPDATE: According to police reports, Paddy the Pigeon has fled the country and is currently a wanted fugitive. After scouring  Instagram, officials found her account “@Paddy2fly” which had over 3,000 followers and over 50 pictures connecting her to multiple roof-topping incidents.

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